I am a single mom.
The dogs have been with us for a week now, and it has been
a week of contrasts: the events of the
week have been at times long and stressful and at the other times heartwarming;
I have felt heartsick during some moments yet so full of gratitude and hope
during other moments; and the dogs are adorable, precious, and loveable yet so
energetic, expensive, and naughty. Two
cats, two dogs, two kids, one condo with no backyard, and one parent. You do the math.
On Sunday afternoon, we loaded girls and dogs into the car
and drove to a friend’s house to walk her dog while she’s out of town. Her offer was well-intentioned as she thought
it would be a great time for our dogs to run around; however, as her backyard
isn’t fenced in, it was a complete fiasco.
Her dog snipped at Sam and Thorin when they tried to sniff him, so we
had to walk them all separately. Sam and
Thorin jerked on their leashes, dashing this way and that way, sniffing
everywhere, barking at a tortoise, straining to escape and run free.
As soon
as possible, we loaded everyone up again, and I drove the girls to High Tide,
the youth service at our church. Sam and
Thorin hopped out the door, wanting to follow the girls into church, and it
took five minutes to force them back into the van.
I brought
the dogs back home and finally took a quick, ten-minute shower. Ten minutes of peace for the day. Thorin peed
in the hallway in protest. The dogs are
as bad as when the girls were toddlers and I couldn’t even escape to the
bathroom for five minutes without being needed.
I subbed
on Monday, and the girls hung out with the dogs since it was a teacher workday
(no school for them). That afternoon,
the girls hung out with friends while I kept the dogs company. I ran Lexi to work that evening and met a
wonderful friend who brought us boxes and bags of groceries. I won’t have to go to the grocery store for a
week! When the girls saw the food, they
were happy. When they saw the vanilla
ice cream and chocolate syrup, and they said, “I love her. I’m making a special thank you card. I love
her.”
All day,
we tried and failed to find a solution but couldn’t find a long-term solution (still
waiting to hear back from a few possibilities) or even a short-term answer for
the next day when I had work while the girls had school. We could not leave the dogs home alone as
they bust out of kennels and either pee in the house (Thorin) and/or destroy
property (Sam). Not to mention the poor
cats are still angry about being locked up, even though we have given them a
bigger room and spent time with them. (We’ve
introduced the cats and dogs to each other a few times, and we all have
scratches to prove it. Not yet a viable
option to leave the cats and dogs home together.)
Either
way, we knew we could not leave the dogs home alone for eight hours, and we
couldn’t find a pet-sitter. With no
other choice, one of the girls would have to stay home with them for a day.
That
evening, we were all exhausted, sore, overwhelmed, frustrated, and low on
emotional and physical resources. We
walked the dogs again before bed, and the evening disintegrated into chaos as
we tried to figure out what to do. Lexi
snapped at Laina who snapped back. I
yelled at them both. Laina, the one who
we decided had to stay home, cried.
Then, she whined at Lexi who flung back a sarcastic retort. I pleaded for peace. Our verbal swords flung
back and forth in a never-ending circle until I realized that we hadn’t fought
like this in a very long time and I didn’t like going backwards like that.
Throughout,
Laina’s mantra resounded, “I have to
go to school tomorrow. I can’t take
this. I have to go to school. I can’t
take this anymore. It’s too much
responsibility in the condo. I have to go to school.”
It took
some time, but I finally corralled the girls into sitting down together, and after working through some of the issues,
we gave thanks for all of our blessings and prayed for a solution.
I hated
leaving Laina home with the dogs. She
was able to get ahead with school work, but I know she wants to be with her
teachers and friends. To complicate matters, I received a text from my ex: I
understand you kept Laina home from school today. Why?
I thought that question deserved no response,
so I did not send one. Rather than share
all of my not-so-polite thoughts about the matter, I am trying to find my
center, to remain calm, to breathe through all of this, but to be honest, I am
finding it difficult. As I wrote those
words, I remembered reading about Nehemiah this week and all of the opposition
against him. When his opponents asked
him for a meeting in an attempt to divert him from his purpose, he refused to
meet them and remained steadfast. When
they wrote a letter full of lies about him to distract him from his purpose, he
refused to be averted and remained steadfast.
When they sent someone to tempt and discredit him, he recognized the malevolent
intent, refused to be swayed, and remained steadfast in what he knew was right
and what he needed to do and continued praying.
He guarded himself and succeeded in the end.
I am
encouraged by his example. It is so easy
to listen to lies, manipulations, and gossip and to become wrapped up in
it. Sometimes we want to fit in, so we participate
in something that we know isn’t right. Other
times, we listen to warped perspectives and become defensive, wasting too much
time and energy on trying to straighten them out when there is no need, which leads
to anxiety and feeling insane (This I know well from personal experience). Often it appears difficult to recognize malicious
intent, but we can learn to do so when we focus on our purpose and do not allow
ourselves to become sidetracked. All we
need to do is remain steadfast and pray, and, thus, guard ourselves. The truth will always be revealed eventually. This lesson speaks to the heart of what I
needed to hear. I am learning to let go
of defensive behaviors, to recognize manipulation, and to concentrate on what’s
next on my path.
No comments:
Post a Comment