Faith Over Fear

When your mom has been healthy all her life and she starts feeling badly and you tell her to go to the doctor and she finally goes to the ER in a bigger city after months of local doctors not helping, you don't expect to hear words like “cancer” and “stage-four” and “incurable.” Especially when she's been seeing medical professionals locally for the past three months and has repeatedly been given prescriptions for antibiotics to treat simple infections. While the medicine hadn’t been working, you don’t expect to go from “simple infection” to “incurable cancer” in a matter of months.

However, that was the news we received this week, and we are still in shock and experiencing many emotions. My emotions are rolling around like a nightmarish rollercoaster where they are knocking into each other and tumbling over and over again and there's nowhere to go and there's no end in sight: disbelief, anger, sadness, a sense of unfairness, heartache, fear. So much fear.

Plus, I am the only one not in Missouri right now, and I feel so helpless and powerless and alone.

When we were waiting for test results last weekend, before we had heard the C-word, I was at a church retreat and heard a Bible verse that spoke to me. It felt as if God was saying to trust, that everything would work out, that my mom has a lot more living to do. Then, the worship team started singing, “Do it Again” by Elevation Worship, and I held onto these words from the song:

I've seen You move, You move the mountains

And I believe, I'll see You do it again

You made a way, where there was no way

And I believe, I'll see You do it again

Since then, we have received some of the results and Mom had an outpatient surgery that is helping her start to feel better. Now we're still waiting for more tests and more results. Waiting is so difficult, not knowing is so difficult, worrying and wondering is so difficult, and all of it can create fear.

We have already had so much loss in the past few years, and I don't see how… I don't accept another one. Sometimes it feels like anytime life is starting to feel free or good again something horrible happens in my personal life. That brings fear that things will never be okay.

Fear—it all comes back to this word, this feeling. Worry, stress, anxiety, fear. How much of my life have I given to this? How much will I continue to give?

More and more, I'm learning to lean into God and turn it all over to Him. To rest in His words and His promises and to be comforted by songs of His love and His healing and His amazing strength that we have if we just accept. In “RecklessLove,” Cory Asbury sings of how God loves us so much that He “leaves the ninety-nine” (John 3:16) to chase after us with His “overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love” and claims:

There’s no shadow You won’t light up

Mountain You won’t climb up

Coming after me

There’s no wall You won’t kick down

Lie You won’t tear down Coming after me

In “Our God,” Chris Tomlin sings that “Our God is Healer, awesome in power” (Exodus 15:26), and in “StrongEnough,” Matthew West sings about how we “can do all things through Christ who gives” us strength (Philippians 4:13).

This morning, I found a quote in my Facebook memories that affirms what I have been pondering this week: “Feed your faith and fear will starve to death.” ~Les Brown

Fear or faith. Do we choose fear or faith? The Bible says if we have the faith of a mustard seed we can move mountains (Matthew 17:20). I choose faith that God can do anything, that God can do the impossible, that God is the Healer. I choose faith. God told me that Joy comes in the morning and that prayers are answered (Psalm 30). I choose faith. Jesus said that if we ask, it will be given (Matthew 7:7). I ask that God heal my mom. I pray that God cures my mom.  I believe that God can heal my mom, that He can give her complete healing, that she is already healed. In Mark 5:34, “Jesus said to her, ‘Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering’.”

Also, I submit the situation to God. In Psalm 147: 3-5, it says, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name. Great is our Lord and mighty in power; his understanding has no limit.” I know that He heals and I know that His understanding is beyond me and I know that I trust him, that my faith will be rewarded. If it is God’s Will to heal her as I choose to focus on, I'm even more blessed. However, if what I believe and have faith in does not come to pass, if it is God’s Will to take her home sooner than I want, then I will have spent the remaining time with my mom in a positive frame of mind. A mind of faith, mind of belief, mind of hope, mind of peace. I choose living in faith, hope, peace, love.

I choose faith.

Every day, every morning, every moment, I have a choice. From now on, I choose faith.

Faith & Peace

I am confident in what I hope for and have assurance in what I do not see. Hebrews 11:1

So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ. Romans 10:17

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!” Matthew 7:7-11

Just as Jesus stood in the boat and spoke to the storm, I too can stand in the midst of the storms in my life and rebuke the winds and the waves to command calmness in my life. My faith overrides all my fears. Matthew 8:26

I activate my mustard seed of faith and say to this mountain of sickness and disease in my life, “Be removed and go to another place.” Nothing will be impossible to me. Matthew 17:20

Because You have anointed me, I have faith and do not doubt that I can speak to any illness, curse it at the root, and cause it to dry up and die, just as You did to the fig tree. I also know that if I tell to this mountain of sickness that is in my way to move and be cast into the sea, it shall be done. Matthew 21:21

That your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God. 1 Corinthians 2: 5

And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. 1 John 5:14

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7

So the Lord said, “If you have faith as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be pulled up by the roots and be planted in the sea,’ and it would obey you.” Luke 17:6

“Most assuredly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do he will do also; and greater works than these he will do, because I go to My Father. And whatever you ask in My name, that I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask anything in My name, I will do it.” John 14:12-14

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

The Lord is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me? Psalm 118:6

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Deuteronomy 31:8

Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

Though an army besieges me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident. Psalm 27:3

I sought the Lord, and he answered me; He delivered me from all my fears. Psalm 34:4

Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall. Psalm 55:22

For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.” Romans 8:15

God’s Love

How precious is your unfailing love, O God! Psalm 36:7

Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am faint; heal me, Lord, for my bones are in agony. Psalm 6:2

See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands. Isaiah 49:16

The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. Zephaniah 3:17

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. John 3:16

God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ— by grace you have been saved. Ephesians 2:4-5

See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him. 1 John 3:1

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1 John 4:7-8

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Healing & Safety

“I am the Lord, your healer.” Exodus 15:26

Lord my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me. Psalm 30:2

Hear, Lord, and be merciful to me; Lord, be my help. You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy. Psalm 30:10-11

The Lord protects and preserves them— they are counted among the blessed in the land - he does not give them over to the desire of their foes. The Lord sustains them on their sickbed and restores them from their bed of illness. Psalm 41:2-3

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26

Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits - who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion. Psalm 103:2-4

Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He sent out his word and healed them; he rescued them from the grave. Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for mankind. Psalm 107:19-21

I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of our Lord. Psalm 118:17

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name. Great is our Lord and mighty in power; his understanding has no limit. Psalm 147:3-5

But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed. Isaiah 53:5

‘I have seen what they do, but I will heal them anyway! I will lead them. I will comfort those who mourn, bringing words of praise to their lips. May they have abundant peace, both near and far,' says the Lord, who heals them. Isaiah 57:18-19

You will restore me to health and let me live. Isaiah 38:16

Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard. Isaiah 58:8

Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved, for you are my praise. Jeremiah 17:14

For I will restore health to you, and your wounds I will heal, declares the Lord.  Jeremiah 30:17

You have redeemed my life. Lamentations 3:58

Jesus said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.” Mark 5:34

And He laid His hands on her, and immediately she was made straight, and she glorified God. Luke 13:13

And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19

Come close to God, and God will come close to you. James 4:8

Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the sick, and the Lord will raise him up. James 5:14-15

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. James 5:16

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Isaiah 40:29

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30

Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you. Hebrews 13:5

Psalm30 The Blessedness of Answered Prayer

I will extol You, O Lord, for You have lifted me up,
And have not let my foes rejoice over me.
² O Lord my God, I cried out to You,
And You healed me.
³ O Lord, You brought my soul up from the grave;
You have kept me alive, that I should not go down to the pit.

⁴ Sing praise to the Lord, you saints of His,
And give thanks at the remembrance of His holy name.
⁵ For His anger is but for a moment,
His favor is for life;
Weeping may endure for a night,
But joy comes in the morning.

⁶ Now in my prosperity I said,
“I shall never be moved.”
⁷ Lord, by Your favor You have made my mountain stand strong;
You hid Your face, and I was troubled.

⁸ I cried out to You, O Lord;
And to the Lord I made supplication:
⁹ “What profit is there in my blood,
When I go down to the pit?
Will the dust praise You?
Will it declare Your truth?
¹⁰ Hear, O Lord, and have mercy on me;
Lord, be my helper!”

¹¹ You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness,
¹² To the end that my glory may sing praise to You and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever.

Psalm 23 The Lord the Shepherd of His People

The Lord is my shepherd;

I shall not want.

2 He makes me to lie down in green pastures;

He leads me beside the still waters.

3 He restores my soul;

He leads me in the paths of righteousness

For His name’s sake.

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil;

For You are with me;

Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;

You anoint my head with oil;

My cup runs over.

6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me

All the days of my life;

And I will dwell in the house of the Lord

Forever.

Psalm 91 Safety of Abiding in the Presence of God

91 He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High

Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress;

My God, in Him I will trust.”

3 Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler

And from the perilous pestilence.

4 He shall cover you with His feathers,

And under His wings you shall take refuge;

His truth shall be your shield and buckler.

5 You shall not be afraid of the terror by night,

Nor of the arrow that flies by day,

6 Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness,

Nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday.

7 A thousand may fall at your side,

And ten thousand at your right hand;

But it shall not come near you.

8 Only with your eyes shall you look,

And see the reward of the wicked.

9 Because you have made the Lord, who is my refuge,

Even the Most High, your dwelling place,

10 No evil shall befall you,

Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling;

11 For He shall give His angels charge over you,

To keep you in all your ways.

12 In their hands they shall bear you up,

Lest you dash your foot against a stone.

13 You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra,

The young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot.

14 “Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him;

I will set him on high, because he has known My name.

15 He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him;

I will be with him in trouble;

I will deliver him and honor him.

16 With long life I will satisfy him,

And show him My salvation.”

A Thing of Beauty 2018

Dear UD,

I've been thinking about you a lot lately. Still missing you. Still miss talking to you. Still missing family parties at your place. It’s Apple Butter Day weekend, and you are not here. In fact, mom’s been ill so much lately, she didn’t even go. I’m still in Florida and busy with too many classes, and it’s crazy that my side of the family wasn’t even represented at Apple Butter Day this year.

Since I started writing you these letters three years ago, I’ve been telling you about the darkness falling in the world nowadays, the darkness in America that’s emerging again. I keep hoping that someday there will be a shift, and there won’t be that much evil to share.

2018 and migrant children are in cages in America.

October 2018 and, along with ten other victims, a 97-year-old woman was gunned down while worshipping in her synagogue. Here, in an American city. While she wasn't a Holocaust Survivor as first reported, she was alive during that terrible time, and she survived and grew and loved and lived until finally taken too soon by hate.

Uncle David, you said wherever we go, God is there. And I know He is. But sometimes when I read the headlines or scroll down my Facebook news, it’s hard to remember His love and goodness. I don’t see how people can be so horrible, hateful, horrid.

November is here again. Four years ago, I wrote that “a Thing of Beauty is combining gratitude with seeing things in a new way and with authenticity; it’s living in the moment and acknowledging what is (good and bad) and reinventing what life gives us.” And now, more than ever, we need to look for a Thing of Beauty. Something that we can reimagine as beautiful, an act of kindness, something we're thankful for. In the midst of the violence, the fighting, the political antics, and the hate that we are reminded of every day in the media, we must find the beauty, the wonder, the truth. And so this year, I will again express a Thing of Beauty, but I will also share a quote or poem to combat white supremacy and hate in all its forms.

“It’s utterly impossible for me to build my life on a foundation of chaos, suffering and death. I see the world being slowly transformed into a wilderness, I hear the approaching thunder that, one day, will destroy us too, I feel the suffering of millions. And yet, when I look up at the sky, I somehow feel that everything will change for the better, that this cruelty too shall end, that peace and tranquility will return once more. In the meantime, I must hold on to my ideals. Perhaps the day will come when I’ll be able to realize them!" Anne Frank

 “It’s difficult in times like these: ideals, dreams and cherished hopes rise within us, only to be crushed by grim reality. It’s a wonder I haven’t abandoned all my ideals, they seem so absurd and impractical. Yet I cling to them because I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are truly good at heart.” Anne Frank

“I don’t think of all the misery but of the beauty that still remains.” Anne Frank

If Anne could still see beauty while in hiding for two years, then I can find it too. Today and every day this month, I will search for beauty, love, kindness, gratitude, goodness…..

Love, Rach