When
your mom has been healthy all her life and she starts feeling badly and you tell
her to go to the doctor and she finally goes to the ER in a bigger city after
months of local doctors not helping, you don't expect to hear words like “cancer”
and “stage-four” and “incurable.” Especially when she's been seeing medical
professionals locally for the past three months and has repeatedly been given prescriptions
for antibiotics to treat simple infections. While the medicine hadn’t been
working, you don’t expect to go from “simple infection” to “incurable cancer”
in a matter of months.
However,
that was the news we received this week, and we are still in shock and experiencing
many emotions. My emotions are rolling around like a nightmarish rollercoaster where
they are knocking into each other and tumbling over and over again and there's
nowhere to go and there's no end in sight: disbelief, anger, sadness, a sense
of unfairness, heartache, fear. So much fear.
Plus,
I am the only one not in Missouri right now, and I feel so helpless and
powerless and alone.
When
we were waiting for test results last weekend, before we had heard the C-word, I
was at a church retreat and heard a Bible verse that spoke to me. It felt as if
God was saying to trust, that everything would work out, that my mom has a lot
more living to do. Then, the worship team started singing, “Do it Again” by
Elevation Worship, and I held onto these words from the song:
I've seen You
move, You move the mountains
And I believe,
I'll see You do it again
You made a way,
where there was no way
And I believe,
I'll see You do it again
Since then, we have
received some of the results and Mom had an outpatient surgery that is helping
her start to feel better. Now we're still waiting for more tests and more
results. Waiting is so difficult, not knowing is so difficult, worrying and
wondering is so difficult, and all of it can create fear.
We
have already had so much loss in the past few years, and I don't see how… I
don't accept another one. Sometimes it feels like anytime life is starting to feel
free or good again something horrible happens in my personal life. That brings
fear that things will never be okay.
Fear—it
all comes back to this word, this feeling. Worry, stress, anxiety, fear. How
much of my life have I given to this? How much will I continue to give?
More
and more, I'm learning to lean into God and turn it all over to Him. To rest in
His words and His promises and to be comforted by songs of His love and His
healing and His amazing strength that we have if we just accept. In “RecklessLove,” Cory Asbury sings of how God loves us so much that He “leaves the
ninety-nine” (John 3:16) to chase after us with His “overwhelming, never-ending,
reckless love” and claims:
There’s no shadow
You won’t light up
Mountain You won’t
climb up
Coming after me
There’s no wall
You won’t kick down
Lie You won’t tear
down Coming after me
In “Our God,” Chris
Tomlin sings that “Our God is Healer, awesome in power” (Exodus 15:26), and in “StrongEnough,” Matthew West sings about how we “can do all things through Christ who
gives” us strength (Philippians 4:13).
This
morning, I found a quote in my Facebook memories that affirms what I have been pondering
this week: “Feed your faith and fear will starve to death.” ~Les Brown
Fear
or faith. Do we choose fear or faith? The Bible says if we have the faith of a
mustard seed we can move mountains (Matthew 17:20). I choose faith that God can
do anything, that God can do the impossible, that God is the Healer. I choose
faith. God told me that Joy comes in the morning and that prayers are answered
(Psalm 30). I choose faith. Jesus said that if we ask, it will be given
(Matthew 7:7). I ask that God heal my mom. I pray that God cures my mom. I believe that God can heal my mom, that He
can give her complete healing, that she is already healed. In Mark 5:34, “Jesus
said to her, ‘Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in
peace and be freed from your suffering’.”
Also,
I submit the situation to God. In Psalm 147: 3-5, it says, “He heals the
brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the
stars and calls them each by name. Great is our Lord and mighty in
power; his understanding has no limit.” I know that He heals and I know that His
understanding is beyond me and I know that I trust him, that my faith will be
rewarded. If it is God’s Will to heal her as I choose to focus on, I'm even
more blessed. However, if what I believe and have faith in does not come to
pass, if it is God’s Will to take her home sooner than I want, then I will have
spent the remaining time with my mom in a positive frame of mind. A mind of faith,
mind of belief, mind of hope, mind of peace. I choose living in faith, hope, peace,
love.
I
choose faith.
Every
day, every morning, every moment, I have a choice. From now on, I choose faith.
Faith & Peace
I am confident in what I hope for and
have assurance in what I do not see. Hebrews 11:1
So faith comes from hearing, and
hearing through the word of Christ. Romans 10:17
“Ask, and it will be given to you;
seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who
seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Or what man is there
among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks
for a fish, will he give him a serpent? If you then, being evil, know how to
give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in
heaven give good things to those who ask Him!” Matthew 7:7-11
Just as Jesus stood in the boat and
spoke to the storm, I too can stand in the midst of the storms in my life and
rebuke the winds and the waves to command calmness in my life. My faith
overrides all my fears. Matthew 8:26
I activate my mustard seed of faith
and say to this mountain of sickness and disease in my life, “Be removed and go
to another place.” Nothing will be impossible to me. Matthew 17:20
Because You have anointed me, I
have faith and do not doubt that I can speak to any illness, curse it at the
root, and cause it to dry up and die, just as You did to the fig tree. I also
know that if I tell to this mountain of sickness that is in my way to move and
be cast into the sea, it shall be done. Matthew 21:21
That your faith might not rest in
the wisdom of men but in the power of God. 1 Corinthians 2: 5
And this is the confidence that we
have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. 1
John 5:14
For God gave us a spirit not of
fear but of power and love and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7
So the Lord said, “If you have
faith as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be pulled up by
the roots and be planted in the sea,’ and it would obey you.” Luke 17:6
“Most assuredly, I say to you, he
who believes in Me, the works that I do he will do also; and greater works than
these he will do, because I go to My Father. And whatever you ask in My name,
that I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask
anything in My name, I will do it.” John 14:12-14
And the peace of God, which
transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ
Jesus. Philippians 4:7
I can do all things through Christ
who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13
The Lord is on my side; I will not
fear. What can man do to me? Psalm 118:6
So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God I will strengthen you and help you; I
will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
The Lord Himself goes before you
and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid;
do not be discouraged. Deuteronomy 31:8
Be strong and courageous. Do not be
terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever
you go. Joshua 1:9
Though an army besieges me, my
heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be
confident. Psalm 27:3
I sought the Lord, and he answered
me; He delivered me from all my fears. Psalm 34:4
Cast your cares on the Lord and He
will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall. Psalm 55:22
For you did not receive the spirit
of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we
cry out, “Abba, Father.” Romans 8:15
God’s Love
How precious is your unfailing
love, O God! Psalm 36:7
Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am
faint; heal me, Lord, for my bones are in agony. Psalm 6:2
See, I have engraved you on the
palms of my hands. Isaiah 49:16
The Lord your God is in your midst,
a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will
quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. Zephaniah 3:17
For God so loved the world that He
gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but
have everlasting life. John 3:16
God shows his love for us in that
while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8
But God, being rich in mercy,
because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our
trespasses, made us alive together with Christ— by grace you have been saved. Ephesians
2:4-5
See what kind of love the Father
has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The
reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him. 1 John 3:1
Beloved, let us love one another,
for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone
who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1 John 4:7-8
For I know the plans I have for
you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to
give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
Healing & Safety
“I am the Lord, your healer.”
Exodus 15:26
Lord my God, I called to you for
help, and you healed me. Psalm 30:2
Hear, Lord, and be merciful to me; Lord,
be my help. You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and
clothed me with joy. Psalm 30:10-11
The Lord protects and preserves
them— they are counted among the blessed in the land - he does not give them
over to the desire of their foes. The Lord sustains them on their sickbed and
restores them from their bed of illness. Psalm 41:2-3
My flesh and my heart may fail, but
God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26
Praise the Lord, my soul, and
forget not all his benefits - who forgives all your sins and heals all your
diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and
compassion. Psalm 103:2-4
Then they cried to the Lord in
their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He sent out his word and
healed them; he rescued them from the grave. Let them give thanks to the Lord
for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for mankind. Psalm 107:19-21
I shall not die, but live, and
declare the works of our Lord. Psalm 118:17
He heals the brokenhearted and
binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the stars and calls them
each by name. Great is our Lord and mighty in power; his understanding has no
limit. Psalm 147:3-5
But he was pierced for our
transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the
punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his
wounds we are healed. Isaiah 53:5
‘I have seen what they do, but I
will heal them anyway! I will lead them. I will comfort those who mourn,
bringing words of praise to their lips. May they have abundant peace, both near
and far,' says the Lord, who heals them. Isaiah 57:18-19
You will restore me to health and
let me live. Isaiah 38:16
Then your light will break forth
like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness
will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard. Isaiah 58:8
Heal me, O Lord, and I shall
be healed; save me, and I shall be saved, for you are my praise. Jeremiah 17:14
For I will restore health to you,
and your wounds I will heal, declares the Lord. Jeremiah 30:17
You have redeemed my life. Lamentations
3:58
Jesus
said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed
from your suffering.” Mark 5:34
And He
laid His hands on her, and immediately she was made straight, and she glorified
God. Luke 13:13
And my
God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ
Jesus. Philippians 4:19
Come
close to God, and God will come close to you. James 4:8
Is anyone
among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray
over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of
faith will save the sick, and the Lord will raise him up. James 5:14-15
Therefore,
confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be
healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. James
5:16
He gives
strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Isaiah 40:29
Peace I
leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives.
Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27
Come to
me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke
upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will
find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew
11:28-30
Never
will I leave you; never will I forsake you. Hebrews 13:5
Psalm30 The Blessedness of Answered
Prayer
I will extol You, O Lord, for
You have lifted me up,
And have not let my foes rejoice over me.
2 O Lord my God, I cried out to You,
And You healed me.
3 O Lord, You brought my soul up from the grave;
You have kept me alive, that I should not go down to the pit.
And have not let my foes rejoice over me.
2 O Lord my God, I cried out to You,
And You healed me.
3 O Lord, You brought my soul up from the grave;
You have kept me alive, that I should not go down to the pit.
4 Sing
praise to the Lord, you saints of His,
And give thanks at the remembrance of His holy name.
5 For His anger is but for a moment,
His favor is for life;
Weeping may endure for a night,
But joy comes in the morning.
And give thanks at the remembrance of His holy name.
5 For His anger is but for a moment,
His favor is for life;
Weeping may endure for a night,
But joy comes in the morning.
6 Now
in my prosperity I said,
“I shall never be moved.”
7 Lord, by Your favor You have made my mountain stand strong;
You hid Your face, and I was troubled.
“I shall never be moved.”
7 Lord, by Your favor You have made my mountain stand strong;
You hid Your face, and I was troubled.
8 I
cried out to You, O Lord;
And to the Lord I made supplication:
9 “What profit is there in my blood,
When I go down to the pit?
Will the dust praise You?
Will it declare Your truth?
10 Hear, O Lord, and have mercy on me;
Lord, be my helper!”
And to the Lord I made supplication:
9 “What profit is there in my blood,
When I go down to the pit?
Will the dust praise You?
Will it declare Your truth?
10 Hear, O Lord, and have mercy on me;
Lord, be my helper!”
11 You
have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness,
12 To the end that my glory may sing praise to You and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever.
You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness,
12 To the end that my glory may sing praise to You and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever.
Psalm 23 The Lord the Shepherd of
His People
The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
2 He makes me to lie down in green
pastures;
He leads me beside the still
waters.
3 He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of
righteousness
For His name’s sake.
4 Yea, though I walk through the
valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they
comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me in
the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall
follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of
the Lord
Forever.
Psalm 91 Safety of Abiding in the
Presence of God
91 He who dwells in the secret
place of the Most High
Shall abide under the shadow of the
Almighty.
2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my
refuge and my fortress;
My God, in Him I will trust.”
3 Surely He shall deliver you from
the snare of the fowler
And from the perilous pestilence.
4 He shall cover you with His
feathers,
And under His wings you shall take
refuge;
His truth shall be your shield and buckler.
5 You shall not be afraid of the
terror by night,
Nor of the arrow that flies by day,
6 Nor of the pestilence that walks
in darkness,
Nor of the destruction that lays
waste at noonday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,
And ten thousand at your right
hand;
But it shall not come near you.
8 Only with your eyes shall you
look,
And see the reward of the wicked.
9 Because you have made the Lord,
who is my refuge,
Even the Most High, your dwelling
place,
10 No evil shall befall you,
Nor shall any plague come near your
dwelling;
11 For He shall give His angels
charge over you,
To keep you in all your ways.
12 In their hands they shall bear
you up,
Lest you dash your foot against a
stone.
13 You shall tread upon the lion
and the cobra,
The young lion and the serpent you
shall trample underfoot.
14 “Because he has set his love
upon Me, therefore I will deliver him;
I will set him on high, because he
has known My name.
15 He shall call upon Me, and I
will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life I will satisfy
him,
And show him My salvation.”
