Easter Saturday at Melbourne Beach

After an entire week at home, I went for a walk at the beach today. A friend allowed me to park on her property so that I could safely, following social distancing rules, spend some time in nature, take a walk on the beach. Words cannot express how much I needed the time outside. Time to feel the sun on my skin, breathe in the salty air, hear the waves crashing against the shore. Time to take in nature.  

In the past few weeks, we’ve seen headlines about a global pandemic, about requirements to shelter at home throughout the United States, about quarantines and lockdowns throughout the world. And at the beginning of this month, Florida’s governor enacted a stay at home law, and last week, the White House Covid-19 Coordinator advised the nation to even avoid the grocery stores if possible. Such a strange world we've stumbled upon. Between the headlines and posts on social media, like many others, I am feeling scared. I spent the past week at home alone where I only left the house for a quick walk around the lake. A week at home where I had groceries delivered. A week at home with only my cats and an occasional visit from Alaina.

The only thing that has kept me sane during this whole ordeal and this past week of even stricter seclusion is the kindness of others, and I am so grateful for it.

I am grateful for my friend who invited me to park on her property so that I could take a walk on the beach today and who dropped off a surprise gift a week ago. I am grateful for conversations with my sisters, cousin, daughters, and friends on the phone, Messenger video chat, and Zoom. I am grateful for collaboration with a friend during this pandemic where we are helping each other with our writing. I am thankful to the friend who invited me to use her private pool so that I could swim. I appreciate my sister sending me one of my favorite meals via UberEATS when I was having a difficult time. I am grateful for my students who are continuing to learn and complete their work even through the move to online classes. I am so thankful that I am privileged to be able to work from home and continue earning a living during this pandemic. I appreciate that I can pay my bills and order food when needed. I am thankful for the peace and solace of nature, for sunshine, for the ocean. This Easter, I am grateful for the love of Jesus who sacrificed and gave His life for us and for what this holiday celebrates: that He is risen.

I wish that Mom were still here on this earth, but I am thankful that I know Mom is with Him now. Today at the beach, I found a rock with a hole in it (one thing that Mom collected during her life), and I am grateful for the reminder of Mom and the reminder that she lives on in those who come from her and in the memory of those who love her.

Ultimately, I am grateful that, even during these troubled times, I have so much to be grateful for. Thank you to all of you whose kindness lifted my spirits during the past month. Happy Easter! 

Spring Break 2020

This spring break is like none other in my lifetime. The weekend before spring break officially began, the college where I work decided to suspend face-to-face classes in light of the coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic sweeping the globe. Even though I knew it was coming, it is a devastating development. I teach both online and face-to-face, and not only do I prefer face-to-face, but it is also better for those students who choose it. On top of that, we had to cancel all college events, including graduation. Moreover, Americans have been advised to remain home as much as possible, to practice “social distancing,” and to wash our hands often. So, schools have closed, social events have been postponed or cancelled, bars and nightclubs have closed, many restaurants have closed, even some dental offices have closed, our community pool has closed, and now beach parking and/or some beaches have been closed. This has all happened in China first, then Europe, and now here. The world shut down.

As humans, we are programmed with fight or flight, and I have been “fighting” in terms of preparing for survival with trips to Publix and Target as well as online ordering. I haven’t taken an ungodly amount of food or necessities like cold medication and toilet paper (like some have fought to do); however, I have prepared for a two-month shut down. I pray that it doesn’t come, but because I have been listening to primary sources from China, Italy, Spain, and France, I want to be prepared for the worst. Because of being hyper aware right now, every day feels like a week. And, I am dealing with additional grief because, with all of this “fighting,” I want so much to be able to call my mom and talk to her about it, to hear her say that I’ll be okay. Or, I want to have the option to go to her house and shelter in place where she would be well stocked from living on the family farm. As it is, I cannot imagine being home alone for weeks, let alone months. To not see others in person, to not be blessed with hugs and smiles. If it comes to that, how will I manage it?!

While Americans are focused on the pandemic on all social media rather than politics and other typical topics, people are still on opposing sides: those who believe it’s all just a hype or hoax or conspiracy versus those who are preparing for Armageddon and obeying the new regulations that come every day, every hour. And those two sides are still butting heads: those who mock the other side for preparing versus those who rail at anyone not following the new guidelines.

This is all unprecedented and such a historic time in our country and world. All of this—the headlines about what is happening in the rest of the world, now in the United States, as well as preparing for the pandemic and seeing our country still so divided—has been stressful and traumatic and exhausting. 

The exchange students are being sent back home, and in fact, all over the world, people are being recalled to their country of origin. Everything is at a standstill as everyone is going home. Because my Italian student had not yet visited Sebastian Inlet, we went there yesterday, taking a short time in the midst of this chaos for some spring break fun and fresh air, though we made sure to obey the mandates to maintain distance from others and wash our hands after touching something. Per normal, I took photos and documented the occasion, sharing it on Facebook, and I sensed some judgment or chastisement from some FB friends. Perhaps the comments were not meant that way, but this is an added stressor after an attempt to decompress, unwind, relax. And the comments were perhaps not even meant for me, but instead for those spring break party goers who congregated at the beach like sardines in a tin can, ruining it for all of us. After three days of crowded beaches in Brevard County, our beach parking is being shut down. According to the news, by tomorrow morning, we will not be able to park at the beaches.

Therefore, today, I went back to the beach. While there were too many people there, at least they were all staying in small groups away from each other. I stayed far away from others, but I was able to take a long walk on the beach. It could be my last walk at the beach for the foreseeable future. As I breathed in the salty air and heard the call of the seagulls, I felt the weight of the past few weeks fall away. I turned my mind to gratitude. Deprivation is something that brings focus and clarity, and right now, I still have much to be grateful for. I’m grateful for the sunshine that touches my face and skin. I’m grateful for the roar of the ocean waves as they kiss the shore. I’m grateful for my health and the security of being able to work online and still have money to pay bills. I’m grateful for my daughters and their health. I’m grateful for my family and friends and their health and thankful that we will be able to stay in touch through smartphones and social media. I appreciate the humorous pandemic posts and memes that have helped me find laughter this week, and I appreciate that social media can be a source of connection and comfort during this time. I am blessed and privileged to be able to prepare and stock up, and I’m thankful for my cats who are in this with me. I’m grateful for the acts of kindness that I have witnessed and read about this week. I’m grateful for nature and its calming effect. And, I’m grateful for God and my faith in Him.   

Gifts from the Sea

 Today, a month later, I walked outside again. When I drive over to the beach, I enjoy walking outside. Overall, anywhere, anytime I love walking outside in nature, but more than any other place, the wilderness of the Missouri Ozarks speaks to me, feels like home. When I’m there in Missouri, I tend to take walks outside more often, but I finally made it to Melbourne Beach this morning. I took a walk along the beach, hunting for seashells, snapping photos, and listening to the sounds of the seagulls and waves.

So far, this year has been rough. January was filled with too many anniversaries, and not the good kind. And too many conflicting emotions and too many new hurdles to handle. Not to mention too much work and too much time alone. It’s strange because I am an introvert who loves having time alone and loves several passive activities (reading books, writing, etc.); however, since losing Mom and becoming an “orphan,” I find it difficult to be alone for too long.

But today, I took a beach walk alone and found much to be grateful for. Even though it’s an overcast, gray day, it was gorgeous outside. The fresh breeze invigorated while the crash of the rolling waves refreshed. As I walked barefoot in the wet sand, I realized that everything is okay in this present moment. I left the beach feeling energized and even happy, and I am thankful for the gifts from the sea.  

Blessing Laina

Alaina Beth Johnson, daughter of Rachel, daughter of Barbara, daughter of Bonnie, daughter of Iva, and sister of Alexia Devin. Alaina Beth, you are of the Crawford - Cunningham Clans, the Johnson - Kellhofer families, and the Rineharts.

Laina, you are a daughter of the American Revolution. A daughter of the Native American Cherokee tribe. A daughter of inventors, leaders, homesteaders. You come from those who blaze their own path and those who fight for freedom, those who create and those who work the land, those who help others and those who teach, and those who heal and those who survive. Ultimately, you come from those who make things happen. 

A farm girl, beach girl, big city girl, you know how to navigate many worlds. Like the time when, barely 16, you followed me from Missouri to Florida, and then at 18, you drove alone from Florida up to the Smoky Mountains. Or when you trained as a gymnast for 25 hours a week at age ten. And, I remember when you were only 16 and we were visiting Lexi and you hopped off the subway train in New York City alone at dusk to shop and your cell phone died but you were able to find your way back to our lodging. You are fierce, fearless, resilient, and resourceful.

When I look at the headlines and statistics around this country and in this world today and see all the devastation to our planet, the dangers, and the problems that your generation faces, I cringe to think this is what we leave you.

Yes, the world might seem scary and dark sometimes, and you have already endured so much more than I wanted you to have to deal with--too much heartache, loss, and pain. At the same time, you have also already seen great kindness, compassion, and goodness from others for which I am grateful.

In the past two years alone, you have lived through four moves and too many losses, but through it all, you have stood on a strong foundation, a foundation built from the sphere of your family, friends, and ancestors, from the land that has been in our family for over one hundred years, and from God.

Through it all, you have remained pure and kind and good and light. Yes, dark and light both exist, but remember that light can chase away the dark. Shadow disappears when light shines on it.

“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.”

James 1:12  

When you were a child, I thought that you were poetry in action, and now that you are a young woman I see a firecracker who was born during Fourth of July weekend, and I know that your heart and your creativity and your smarts and your talents will come together to do some good in this world. Sassy and full of fire, you are the light this world needs.

“Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.” 1 Timothy 4:12  

You've got this. Whether you follow your gifts or whether you follow your intellect or your beauty or all three, continue following your heart and you will leave an impact on your community and your country and your world, an impact that you have already started and that I'm so proud to see.

What we remember most, George Saunders said in a graduation speech at Syracuse University, are acts of kindness, so the most important thing is to be kind. I don't have to tell you this because you have the biggest heart of anyone I know. If the first rule is to be kind, then you have mastered it. I see the seeds of kindness in everything you do. I think of the time when your 9^th grade teacher lost his dog and you picked out a special card, wrote in it, and gave it to him. Or when you, a stranger in a new school for your senior year, befriended the newer new girl who had nowhere to sit and knew no one. Or when you rescued the kitten, befriended the dog, wanted to take in every lost animal.

“May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed.” 

Psalm 20:4 

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Laina, there are so many things I can say that I like about you. To start, you have a genuinely good spirit. You are a caring, intelligent and nurturing person who is beautiful on the inside and out. I’m so proud of you for graduating high school. This is a big transition for you into adulthood, and you will have a lot of fun and freedom that comes with it as well as responsibilities and trials. But when the challenges come, remember to use them as motivation to keep going and grow from the experience. Let each challenge help you grow and become the person that you are meant to be. I know that God has a great plan for you and that He will help you grow into the amazing woman He designed you to be. I’m so glad that you are my sister, and I wouldn’t want it to be anyone else in the world.  I love you, Laina.   Love, Lexi

Alaina: simple meanings; Little Rock, beautiful, light, torch, bright.

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. For the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9  

Characteristics of Alaina:  cooperative, considerate, compassionate, nurturing, sensitive, patient, loving, kind, gracious, balanced.

I am proud to say that you are a perfect embodiment of every one of those characteristics. I pray you will stay true to them and seek God's will for your life. I pray you will continue to be the bright light that you already are in this ever-darkening world where light is so desperately needed. 

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6  

I cherish every moment I was able to spend with you last semester. I pray you will be a force for good everywhere you go. May the Lord bless you and keep you and make His face shine upon you and give you peace. Love you, Granny

“But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.” Hebrews 11:6  

Graduation is just the beginning; let the Lord reveal his plan for your life by submitting to his Lordship.  Love and prayers, Uncle Bob

“Know ye that the Lord he is God: it is he that hath made us, and not we ourselves; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture. Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name. For the Lord is good; his mercy is everlasting; and his truth endureth to all generations.” Psalm 100:3-6  

Twice-Laine, Congratulations! Remember, sometimes all you can bid is glasses. Love, Fred (Uncle Sonny’s ghost-friend).

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Alaina, you are a blessed and beloved daughter of God. You are loved, you are wanted, you are wise, you are safe, and you are strong. Your family, your friends, and those who we lost too soon are with you. For instance, Grandma Johnson is watching over you, your special angel. Wherever you are, our hearts and love are with you. Wherever we are, your heart and love are with us. Our hearts and spirit are with you always.

It has been my honor and privilege to be your mother and to see you grow into this amazing, talented, kindhearted, bright, beautiful young woman.

And so with our blessing, we send you out into the world to work, to travel, to live, to love, to laugh.

The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace.” Numbers 6:24-26  

Together, we offer you our blessing. Now, we watch you flip into the wide world waiting for you as you tumble into your future of beauty, kindness, creativity, peace, and love. Travel with God’s love, His presence, His Word, and His promises.

With all our prayers, blessing, love, and faith in you,

Your family