(I wrote this post near
the end of October, but Superstorm Sandy and then the election, along with
playing catch up and taking the girls to activities, took over my focus. I am so sorry for those who are without
power, those who lost their homes, belongings, lives. My heart and prayers go out to all of you.)
I’ve dreamt about Sam and
Thorin the past two nights, and in both dreams, they were happy. They both used to scramble under my foot rest
where I sit on the couch, and I’d have to check every time to make sure they
weren’t under there, so I wouldn’t crush them, before putting it down and
getting up. I still hesitate, thinking
they might be there, looking for them, before realizing they don’t live here
anymore. Laina cried last night, saying
she was depressed and missed her dogs and was still furious at her dad. Finding them good homes…we did the right
thing for where we are in life right now, but it still haunts us. It will haunt us the rest of our lives.
Through
this whole experience, I have noticed parallels, commonalities between all of
us—animals, pets, people. We all need
food (good nutrition), shelter, and other basics, such as health care. We all need to be taken care of to varying
extents. We all need hugs and belly
rubs. And, we all need to be connected
to others, to know we matter, to know we are wanted, to know we are loved. Ultimately, we all need to know we have a
place where we belong, a home and family.
Home. Family.
Belonging. My deepest daily
desires. Divorce has a long reach, and I
wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Not
only does it impact the two people who had promised forever as well as their
children, but it also affects their extended families, friends, and even their pets
and futures.
The last
part of our Nehemiah study discusses how important children are, and Kelly
Minter writes, “Nehemiah knew that ‘A single generation’s compromise could undo
the work of centuries,’ and he couldn’t leave this up for grabs.” It is true that our children are the future
and so important, and the generational issue can go both ways. A positive century can be broken by a
generation, or a negative century can be broken and set on a new path by a
generation.
The end
of the book also discusses continuing to “cast our gaze forward,” so our group
extended the session to allow time for us to share what the study has meant to
us and what we feel God has called us to continue doing. For instance, one woman is starting a
redemption group to help support those in need of recovery and change. I am continuing to find where I can bless
others as well as remembering the importance of what I am doing now by focusing
on raising my two teenage daughters.
During
the last session, I shared my story, which helped me to let go of it and find a
new way forward. One of the women said
that they were going to pray for “breaking the cycle” so that my daughters can
have a true fresh start on a new path.
We have
met so many kind and giving people since we moved south. All of these people along with this
experience have helped restore my faith in humanity, Christianity, and
God. When writing morning pages last
month, I found myself thanking God for using these amazing, generous people to
show His kindness, grace, and love and for allowing me to be part of the
testament to prayer power and real life miracles.
