Monday, October 1, 2012

Ten Things I Know For Sure

          (This post was written last Friday and was inspired by this video).
1.  Sam is happy.  Tom has sent me updates via text—chases around the house, two-mile runs every morning, games of fetch.  Sam sleeping on the floor beside Tom’s bed, Tom working from home all week to be with Sam and train him to stay and walk without pulling on the leash, Sam snagging his own burger chopped up in his dog food, Tom describing Sam as spunky, sweet, smart.  When I asked Tom if his mother liked Sam, he texted, “Yes, of course.  How can you not.”  Such simple words yet so true.  Tom continued to ask how we were doing and said, “He shows love…that’s what you all gave him.”
2.  The cats are more content because they are roaming freely and getting more attention.  While curious about Sam, his size made them anxious.  Every time he moved, they jumped, and they spent lots of time watching him, waiting to see what he would do next.  Now, they spend more time purring.
   3.  Thorin needs a good home.  See numbers four through six:  4.  We are all three too tired, too busy, and too far behind.  5.  Dog vomit and diarrhea is all over the carpet in our condo.  6.  I want to cry right now. 
Thorin was fine at first, enjoying his new status as king of the castle and loving the extra attention.  Then, we left him home alone while at work and school, and he hated it.  Also, he snuck some cat food.  I don’t know if he’s missing Sam, mad about being left alone, upset from cat food, or simply sick, but Thorin has had an uneasy stomach for two days, pooping and vomiting all over the house no matter how many times we take him out. His illness started on Wed night, and everything disintegrated into threats and tears and complaints.  Staying up until after midnight and getting up at seven for school and work is not working for us.  Having this extra responsibility is not working for us.  The girls not having time and energy to get all of their homework done is not working.  We are all over-committed and overwhelmed and over-exhausted.  Not a good combination. 
A homeschooling friend and her son stayed with Thorin on Thursday, which was so great of them.  I hate to think that, otherwise, he would have been locked in the kennel, sitting in his vomit and diarrhea all day…alone.  Our friends took care of him and kept him company until I got home from work. 
Then, I had to rush out to pick up Lexi and take her to dance, so I wrapped Thorin in a blanket and brought him with me.  We walked some and sat at the park along the Indian River while Lexi danced for three hours.  Laina was at a basketball game with friends, and we all met back home afterwards. 
Today, the girls are at school, and I’m home alone with Thorin and his illness.  I’ve cleaned the messes, but the carpet needs a deep cleaning. This afternoon we pick Sam up, and I want to see him while I am also stressed about having the added responsibility again.  I am already so far behind.  I just want to cry. 
My uncle mentioned that it might be confusing for Sam to bring him back into our home, so I called and talked to Tom about it.  I want whatever’s best for Sam and don’t want to interfere with his bonding with his new family. Tom thinks it will be fine for us to continue being part of Sam’s life if we are all consistent. 
My uncle also mentioned that we don’t have a “sphere” in our life for Thorin right now, and it’s true.  We are trying to completely readjust the life we’d built here, and it’s not really fair to any of us (dogs, cats, and humans).  But, as we continue searching for a solution, it is our life for now.
7.  This too shall pass.  Yes, but can the situation please be resolved soon?!  I want to catch up and not feel so overwhelmed.  I want my time back.  I want my freedom back.  I want my girls back (healthy rather than overly tired and stressed).  I want my space back.  I want my peace back.
8.  We are beginning to accept that Sam has a new home.  As I point out to the girls, Sam’s new adventure parallels Lexi’s upcoming new adventure.  Lexi graduates next May and this time next year will be studying in college or dancing on a cruise ship.  She will move out and start a new phase in her life, and eventually (many years down the road!) she will join another family.  All of that will be hard and sad for those of us left at home, but it is the natural order of things and will lead to new opportunities and blessings for Lexi.  In the same way, Sam is venturing out into a new sphere, one where he will be happy and one where he will be a blessing to others.  While I am sad for our loss, I am happy for Sam and his new family.  I am thrilled that we found a solution where we can stay in contact with him and where he will be a blessing to others. 
While it felt empty that first night without Sam, things have started to settle into a more tranquil routine again, and I know we’ve made the right decision.  Sam will always be part of my life, and I will always love him.  That will never change.  Because I want what’s best for him, I am letting him go, and I am at peace about it.  While not 100% with me, the girls are more at ease with the transition and also want what’s best for him.
9.  Although Autumn is here, it’s still too hot in Florida to have a non-working air-conditioner in the car.  We’ve made it all summer without it, and in the cooler mornings I forget.  Then, I get in the car after work, and it is still suffocating.
10.  Despite my mental to-do-list, I am taking time for my writer’s workshop meeting at Squid Lips this afternoon.

No comments:

Post a Comment