“The Next Big Thing”

I met Chris Cutler the summer of 2007 at Murray, Kentucky during a residency at Murray State University.  We were working on our MFAs in creative non-fiction writing, and since it was my second semester (her first), I offered to show her around.  Over typed pages of our words, stacks of recently published memoirs, and homemade chicken soup at Gloria’s, we became fast friends.  Although we are opposites in many ways (she has a son while I have daughters, she is a blond to my brunette, and she hates onions while I put them in almost everything I cook), we have many similar interests (creative writing, teaching, photography, kindness).  A writing teacher, photographer, and the founder and executive director of The Las Vegas Memoir Project, Chris is one of the writing friends I turn to for valued feedback on my writing, and I am thrilled to hear that she is visiting Italy again to explore the questions that “haunt” her and to write about her ancestors “in the environment.”  I cannot wait to read her memoir, Abandoned Houses.  In her blog about The Next Big Thing, Chris discusses her memoir and the journey on which she is about to embark.

Thank you, Chris, for inviting me to participate in the blog share The Next Big Thing (which is an opportunity for writers to network and share what they are working on by responding to a list of “interview” questions).

What is your working title of your book (or story)? 

Right to Breathe.

Where did the idea come from for the book? 

At the same time I was working on essays for my MFA thesis, I was experiencing a life crisis and found myself journaling hundreds of pages.  As my voice emerged, I wanted to make sense of where I came from, what I was going through, and who I wanted to be.

Each essay materialized from a different place.  For instance, while listening to a reading by Squire Babcock, I remembered the snapping turtle that my brother killed while we were waiting to float down the river for one of my mom’s birthday celebrations; that memory became my narrative, “The Celebration.”  For another example, I had several dreams about my mother that lead me to write the prologue to “Women of My Childhood,” and a mentor, Karen McElmurray’s questions about my mom and the white house I grew up in helped me delve deeper and finish the essay.  However, it all began when one of my mentors, Chris Hale, told me to “Start with a blank page.”  Out of that exercise came “Of Beauty, Basements, and Butterflies.”

What genre does your book fall under? 

Memoir.

Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition? 

Strange to think about, but here are some ideas:

My dad:  Jack Nickolson

My mom:  Barbara Streisand

My birth dad:  Owen Wilson

My ex:  Woody Harrelson

As for me, I have no idea, though I was thinking Sandra Bullock because she is authentic and brilliant, and I always love the characters she plays; however, since Chris already chose her, I decided to ask my daughters for other options.  Here is what they suggested:

Me as a child:  If Demi Moore were a kid again, she would play you because she is serious.

Me as a teen:  Abigail Breslin because she is a quirky, quiet girl that everyone likes.

Me as an adult:  Sarah Jessica Parker because you have the same facial features and similar personalities. 

When I asked what they meant by “similar personalities,” they said that her characters tend to worry a lot, and she usually plays a single mom or an independent woman who doesn’t need a man.  Her character is shy but still flirty and fun and likes to stay home a lot, but usually ends up with a good guy.  She always plays the mom character, the one who takes care of everybody. 

The girls also suggested that they should play themselves, but if we had to pick someone currently famous, Laina chose Selena Gomez for her teen years and Bailee Madison for her childhood while Lexi said maybe Amanda Bynes or Emma Roberts. 

What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book? 

Right to Breathe is a collection of creative non-fiction narratives that explore the process of reclamation—reclaiming perception, voice, body and even a name.

Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?

I hope to find a publisher for my book, which is currently under review by Deadrise Books.

How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript? 

Over the course of about two years, I wrote these narratives.

What other books would you compare this story to within your genre? 

I’m not comfortable comparing my book with others, but here are some of the books that I read and drew inspiration from while working on my memoir:  Just Beneath My Skin: Autobiography and Self-Discovery by Patricia Foster, Wolf at My Table: A Memoir of My Father by Augusten Burroughs, Surrendered Child: A Birth Mother’s Story by Karen McElmurray, Seasons of the Body: Essays by Brenda Miller, Autobiography of a Face by Lucy Grealy, Truth and Beauty: A Friendship by Ann Pratchett, Small Wonder by Barbara Kingsolver, and A Private History of Awe by Scott Russell Sanders. 

Who or what inspired you to write this book?

As I mentioned above, my writing mentors at Murray State University were inspirational during the process as were the numerous non-fiction authors I read.  Mostly, however, I thank God for all of the ideas, opportunities, and support along the way.

What else about your book might pique the reader's interest? 

Several of the essays in my memoir have recently been published.  "Dolphins for Christmas" appeared in Florida English, while "The Celebration" is in New Plains Review.  Then, CircaReview online just published "Of Beauty, Basements, and Butterflies" and "Magic Acts"! 

Right to Breathe is just a stepping stone, and I have ideas for a follow up memoir that are marinating.  More to come…

Thanks again to Chris for this fun opportunity.

Please check out Heather Foster’s "interview" on February 8^th where she will discuss her book, A Heart Like Texas, a novel-in-verse which follows the life of a single speaker in the rural South. The poems are like the speaker: bighearted, risking everything to find and understand love in all its twisted manifestations. You will find her answers on her blog, HEATHERFOSTERDOTORG:  Where Heather Foster gets down and dirty with poetry. 

Grace of God

I wanted more of a fresh start for the New Year, but as usually happens in life, some of the old junk from the old year is already snipping at me.  I did everything I could think of to leave it behind.

On Winter Solstice, Lexi, Laina, and I wrote down all of the negative things from 2012, shared them, and then burned the paper, clearing out the old, making room for the new.  Then, we wrote down all of the positive things from 2012 and shared them with each other.  We were happy to note more positive than negative, and it was surprising that much of the negative had turned into a positive.

I made New Year’s Resolutions…in a way.  What I did was to set long term goals for the end of 2013 and create a list of seven simple actions I want to take every day this year that will lead towards those goals.  So far this year, I’ve completed all of those actions every day.  :)

I’ve also prayed for help, and I applied for around 100 full-time jobs during 2012 (and have already applied for one this year!) and took all of the classes and sub work I could get.  Yes, most of the old junk that is snapping at me has to do with wanting a full-time job with decent pay and benefits , with financial issues, stability, and all of the worry and anxiety those things bring.

In 2012, many people helped us, and I really appreciate that.  God came through for us, and I have to keep believing that He will and trusting. 

At the same time, it’s so frustrating to always be the one who needs help and to not have the stability that I want for my life and my girls. 

It’s great that I get a winter break with my kids.  I love it. Though I spend a vast majority of it doing prep work for the next semester, there is still time for the holidays, including Lexi’s birthday, and hanging with family and friends.  What’s not so cool about it is that I don’t receive a paycheck the first three weeks of January.  That is scary and so difficult. 

Right now, I have enough money to fill my gas tank.  After that, I do not know what I will do.  I don’t know how I will buy groceries for my children or how I will pay my bills. 

Last January, my ex helped by paying some past-due child support, so we made it through.  This January, he says he’ll pay regular child support “when he can,” which means that I may not even be able to pay rent on time this month.  It is so stressful and frustrating to not pay bills on time, to not have money for groceries.

On top of that, I am already several thousand dollars behind because of having less classes last year (I won’t even mention my student loans).  And, I am worried about having so many older items.  My car needs work, my laptop is hanging on by a thread, and our phones sometimes choose not to work.  I want to get ahead, not continue struggling to make ends meet, so it’s time to make changes.

I’ve already cut out going to the movies; last semester, we only went to the theater during a holiday break as a treat.  We rarely eat out anymore.  I’ve turned down hanging out with friends anytime it cost money, even gas money.  I’m learning to say “No” more often and prioritize.  Now maybe I will have to cancel cable, but I cannot cut internet as I work online.  Perhaps we should move into a cheaper condo with less bedrooms, though I love living here and love that I feel my girls are safe in this area and love that we each have our own room, our own space.  For now I only have to find a way to make it through the next three weeks, but I don’t know what will happen as prices continue to increase much faster than our incomes.  I know some relatives and friends who have moved back in with their parents and others are still searching for jobs and for answers.

Possibly I will have to go to a food bank to get groceries, but I do not want to.  I feel like such a failure if I have to take that step.  It’s the tug of war between how I think society/others will view me, how I see myself, and how God perceives me.  The push and pull between the reality of the bank statement versus visualizing something better for the future.  The juxtaposition between the current economy and my education/resume/experience.  The contrast between the opportunities/experiences I want my children to have versus the reality of being a single mom.

I remember my sister telling me about volunteering at a soup kitchen during her graduate work and the revelations that brought her.  A few years before that, her husband had an aneurism, several brain surgeries, and although he survived, he was hospitalized for a long time and on medication.  She realized that, if she hadn’t had family and friends to support her through that experience, she could easily have been on the other side of the serving table at the soup kitchen.  There but by the grace of God go I.

All of my devotions this week have been about trusting God, relying on Him, and I am trying to do so.  Focus on Him and what I do have.  Focus on the choices I can make.  For instance, I have enough money, gas, and food for today.  I have enough for this weekend.  The three of us are healthy and have a nice place to live.  In fact, right this moment, I have an abundant, blessed life, and all is well.

My Writing, My Words

          Last year around this time I was reflecting on 2011 and creating resolutions for 2012.  I resolved to exercise more consistently, and I have, starting the year off with P90X, switching to swimming laps for the summer, and ending with beach walks and Zumba.  I wanted to start my day off by taking care of myself, and on those days I exercise in the mornings, I have more energy and feel better all day.

I also decided to make writing a priority.  As a writing teacher, I want to model what I teach.  At the same time, I am inundated with other people’s words, reading literally a thousand essays or more a year.  Therefore, I decided to put my writing, my words first, writing down my thoughts, even if only for 10 to 30 minutes, in Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way morning pages journal.  As I poured out my fears and stresses, my racing ideas and emotional turmoil, I found myself lighter and more at peace for the day.

Finally, I resolved to also begin each day with God through prayer and gratitude.  I pray before I even get out of bed, and at the end of my morning pages, I write down the things I am grateful for.  “Thank you, God, for all of my blessings” is the way I begin that section.  Before I knew it, I realized that I kept getting more of whatever I thanked God for.  Thank you, God, for always being there for me.

I’m definitely not saying that I’m perfect and that I did all three of those things every day this year because I didn’t.  I should have exercised at a higher intensity level and written more and developed a more intimate relationship with God.  However, on the days I did all three of those things, I noticed that I felt better, had more energy, and experienced more of a positive outlook.  It’s the little things that matter, and it is doing the little things consistently that makes a difference and that builds up to the bigger things.

This fall, four of my essays have been published, two in print journals and two online.  I firmly believe that these publications are a consequence of doing those three things, of following through on my plans, and of placing emphasis and importance on my own words. 

"Dolphins for Christmas" appeared in Florida English, while "The Celebration" is in New Plains Review.  Then, CircaReview online just published "Of Beauty, Basements, and Butterflies" and "Magic Acts"! 

Thank you, God, for my publications. 

I will continue these three things next year and try to take them to the next level.  What 2012 resolutions worked for you this year?