Dear UD,
I’ve been dreading this
November because last year’s November was the beginning of the end. A
year ago,
Mom was healthy and alive, and everything was just fine. A year ago, we were oblivious
and happy. Yes, Mom hadn’t been feeling well for a while, but she’d been
working with a doctor, and we had no idea that cancer had taken root deep
inside. It was late November, a year ago, when, a day after my birthday, we got
the news that she had cancer. Six weeks later, she was gone. We lost her. And
now we face the first November without her.
So, even trying to think
of thinking of thankfulness and gratitude, of finding a thing of beauty every
day this November, is painful. Difficult. Unthinkable.
But, UD, during my time
of trying not to think of thanking, something occurred to me.
Mom was beautiful.
She was beautiful on
the outside, and she was beautiful on the inside. She had a beautiful smile,
her spirit was beautiful, everything about her was absolutely beautiful. Did
she know it? Did she know and feel her beauty? Did she know that I, her oldest
daughter, found her beautiful?
I thought about
skipping "a thing of beauty" this year, but now I realize that I have to do it in
honor of her. I want to find a thing of beauty every day this month, and I want
that thing of beauty to be something for or from my mom. From what she looked
like to what she did for people to what she believed to memories I have of her
to shared experiences and adventures. This month, I want to explore and honor
mom and everything beautiful in and of her.
Did Mom know how beautiful
she was? Did you know? Do I? Do any of us really know how beautiful and precious
we are?
I hope so.
UD, one of the things
that I find beautiful about Mom was her connection with her siblings. You, Mom,
and Uncle Bob were the three musketeers, the three stooges, the amigos. When
the three of you were together, you were hilarious, fun, unstoppable. Uncle Bob
is always the class clown, while Mom was the athletic showoff, and you were the
smart goody-two shoes. But, you bound together and loved each other well and
loved us well, and you all showed us the importance of family, of
Mom and her connection
with you and Bob, her siblings—what a thing of beauty.
Love, Rach
PS: I hope that everyone
who reads this will go and tell people you love how beautiful they are and how
grateful you are for them in this world and how thankful you are to be sharing
space with them right now.
