Smart Fun

"Wobble"

          I’ve taught my daughters to have smart fun (at least I hope so!). Case in point: Lexi’s sweet 16 birthday party. Over 50 people attended her party, which was held at a friend’s house in a sleepy neighborhood along a golf course in Suntree, and the teens called it the best party of the year with some saying it was the best party they’d ever been to. They danced, talked, ate, and played games all evening. No drugs, no alcohol, and no smoking. Just good, clean fun! The DJ, Lexi’s dance instructor, was also a police officer, so the party had built-in protection.
          As one of the few adult chaperones, I watched everyone and discovered an interesting phenomenon: many of the public high school students who came to the party (Lexi’s friends from dance) didn’t appear to enjoy the party as much as everyone else for two reasons that I could see. First, they were way too self-conscious, too worried about what everyone else would think and how everyone else might judge them. Not that the homeschooled teens didn’t have doubts, but that they felt comfortable or confident enough to push through those doubts and enjoy the evening. Secondly, many of public school teens arrived partnered up. They brought their boyfriends, and then sat in the corner on their boyfriends’ laps, watching everyone else have fun.
          An important life lesson: you don’t need to have a boyfriend/girlfriend in order to go to a party and have a good time. In fact, you might have more fun going with friends and letting loose.
          This particular party ended at midnight, and just before the witching hour, a cop knocked on the door to make sure that all was well. Luckily, we had the DJ/cop angle to smooth things over, and we were ending the party anyway so everything worked out. It’s not a party until someone calls the cops, the teens joked, but they learned that if you are having clean fun and if you respect those around you, nothing bad happens when the cop shows up.

When we moved to Brevard County over four years ago, Lexi was a homeschooled teenager, and I didn’t want her to miss out on the social aspects of high school like the school dances. So, I worked with another mom, and we put together some homeschool dances. Again, 50 teens, dancing, talking, eating, playing games, having so much fun! Once we had a DJ (same wonderful one) and other times we used a playlist. Whatever we did, the teens had a blast. Lexi began attending the public high school dances for her junior and senior years, and she agrees with the others who said that the dances we threw were much better; however, she is glad that she attended the public school dances for the experience. After all, we never forget our prom nights.

Lexi just told me last night that I would be happy to hear that she stayed in and didn’t go out with her friends. Darling daughter, you missed the entire point of smart fun. I want you to go out with friends, to explore the city, to travel the world. I want you to be adventurous and try new things. Always.

A couple of years ago, I didn’t feel like the girls and I were communicating well regarding hanging out with friends; they thought that I didn’t want them to go out with friends, and I thought that they were being disrespectful. I believed this was an extremely important issue to communicate with them because the friends we choose colors everything else in our lives. So another life lesson: choose good friends! Be very picky about who you hang out with. As the saying goes, we become like the five people we hang out with the most. And, I like how a family friend puts it: YOU are valuable, and the most treasured thing that you have to give is YOU and your time. So, choose wisely. As a mom, I worry, and as a mom in this crazy world, I really worry, and as a single mom, I worry even more. So, I typed up a “contract” that we all agreed on and printed off copies for each of us. Here it is:

Going out with Friends Respectful Boundaries

1.     I WANT you to have time with friends, to hang out with friends, to have fun with friends.

2.    I TRUST you!!! You are amazing, and you will make good choices. Any mistakes you make you will learn from.

3.    It is imperative that you COMMUNICATE with me in a respectful way. Be polite and respectful in your tone and text messages. Please ask before inviting friends over here and before making plans with friends (check the family calendar, etc.). Text me who you are with and where you are because that helps me to not worry. Be home by midnight unless we have agreed on an earlier or later time for some reason.

4.    It is important that FAMILY comes first, including YOU. That means that you do your homework and chores, your RESPONSIBILITIES, BEFORE hanging out with friends. That also means that you incorporate FAMILY time every week or weekend. This is also about having BALANCE in your life.

5.    RESPECT yourself and your own boundaries. Be YOU because you are BEAUTIFUL, AMAZING, INTELLIGENT, TALENTED, and simply WONDERFUL!!

Now I want to reiterate another important life lesson for my daughters: have fun in a smart way! In fact, I review the smart rules with them anytime I drop them off somewhere (county fair, mall, beach, party, etc.), and yes, I also share these rules with their friends. Now that Lexi is going to college in New York City, I review them with her over the phone. If she calls and asks my input, “Mom, should I go out and do X?” Hell, yeah! And, remember the smart rules.

1. Have good, clean fun (which means nothing illegal; for instance, no alcohol, drugs, or smoking). Once you turn 21, enjoy a glass of wine or a bottle of beer if you like, but don’t get wasted. Confession time: I’ve never been drunk. Tipsy, yes. Plastered, no. It’s interesting because anytime any group of friends hears that the first thing they say is that they want to get me drunk (and this includes any church groups I’ve been part of). Even as an adult, I’ve been pressured to give in and get bombed, but you know what, I don’t need to. I honestly believe that I can have fun, a better time even, when sober. Sure, I enjoy having a drink every once in a while; it’s relaxing and lowers inhibitions, but I still know who I am, what I believe, what I am doing, and why I am doing it. Plus, I won’t be the one sick and hung over the next morning, wasting that fresh day.

 2. Stay safe (which means to only go places with friends you can trust, always stay with your group, don’t even go to the bathroom alone, never take drinks from anyone, and never set your drink down unattended and then drink out of it).

3. Stay healthy (which means to take care of yourself on a regular basis, get enough sleep on a weekly basis, eat healthy overall, take good vitamins, etc.). The important thing is what you do most of the time; set a strong foundation for yourself and your world.

4. Always remember who you are and what you believe in. I am a woman of worth and strength and integrity. Say it! Remind yourself every day. When you operate from that truth, then you will try new things and live a courageous and incredible life; however, you will not be swayed by peer pressure or societal expectations or anything other than the truth that you stand on. Along with that comes trusting your instincts.

But whatever you do, be bold, live, and have smart fun! As Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Life must be lived and curiosity kept alive. One must never, for whatever reason, turn [her] back on life.”

A friend mentioned that I should share the “smart fun” idea with others through my blog, hence this post. J Do you do something similar with your teens or have other similar ideas that work well? I would love to hear your thoughts!

Blessing Lexi

 

Alexia Devin Johnson, daughter of Rachel, daughter of Barbara, daughter of Bonnie, daughter of Iva.  Alexia Devin, sister of Laina and daughter of Matthew, son of Doris and Clifford. Lexi, you have come from a long line of hard workers, innovators, and leaders.

Some of your ancestors have worked the land while others have educated future generations. Some have helped heal while others have helped govern. Still others have followed various artistic pursuits. Together, we leave you an example of people who make things happen. Together, we grace you with good genes and strong intellect. Together, we offer you our blessing.
Granny shared Proverbs 3:5-6. “Trust in The Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.”

She said, “I pray The Lord will bless you with a spirit of wisdom and knowledge and the desire to seek Him with all your heart!! I love you!”

          Grandma and Grandpa Johnson wrote, “Lexi you are a beautiful person, both inside and out.  You have accomplished a great deal in the last year academically.  But more importantly you have grown spiritually.  You are a good sister to Alaina and a great help to your mom. Our prayer for you as you begin a new adventure in the study of dance is to keep God close to your heart.  Make the Bible a part of your daily reading.  It will provide you with wisdom and guidance. Love you, Grandpa & Grandma Johnson”

They shared these Bible verses:

          "Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."  Isaiah 40:31

          “Let Christ Jesus be your example as to what your attitude should be."  Philippians 2:5

          "With God all things are possible."  Matthew 19:26

          "This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it."  Psalm 118:24

          "Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything.  Ephesians 5:19-20

Matthew wrote, “To my Beloved Daughter: may you know the joy of your authentic self and remain forever true to your highest ideal of who you are. I love you always without fail and am so proud to be your father. May you know joy, love, and be awed by the life you lead. I love you! Dad.”

Laina said, “Lexi, you are amazing, talented, beautiful, confident, worthy, and you are my role model. Your strong relationship with God and your confidence and worth all make me want to be like you every day. I don’t know how I will make it without you those first few months when you go to New York, but I know you will be amazing there.  I love you.”

ALEXIA DEVIN JOHNSON:

10 Things I Know To Be True

by Alaina Beth Johnson

1.                  Lexi, you are my sister, and you are beautiful. You are tall and athletic with dark brown hair that has waves like the ocean. You have the deepest brown eyes with a hint of green on the outer circle.

2.                  You are amazing and talented. Dancing is your talent, and you are the most amazing dancer I have ever seen. Dancing is natural to you, and you dance with grace, flow, technique, sharpness, poise, and life. When you dance, you tell a story that speaks through your body.

3.                  You are my best friend. You have been there for all of my firsts. From the first time I did gymnastics to the first time I went to school in sixth grade to the first time I ate at Chipotle in Viera.

4.                  You are always there for me, and I can talk to you about anything. You have been there for me for every time something hurt us. I always have you to talk to when something terrible happens.

5.                  You have had to take on some parental responsibilities for me...You are always there for me in love and caring, being there for me whenever I needed you, and when I didn’t.

6.                  You build me up. You always say nice things to me. You build my spirit and complement me on beauty, which is also complementing yourself since I look so much like you. You somehow know just what to say; when I am sad, you make me laugh.

7.                  You are a strong role model, and I look up to you. From every time I have asked to borrow your clothes to every time I want to be just like you because you are so amazing and confident, you shine like the brightest star in the sky; you have a glow that no one else does, and you have this amazingly strong relationship with God. Sometimes I wonder, when you move out, how on earth am I supposed to be so amazing and strong, so able to hold myself and someone else up? I look up to you more than anyone else.

8.                  You are hilarious and always make me laugh. You do the funniest things when you are not trying to be funny at all; like when I am taking a drink of water and you are jumping on our trampoline dancing to Gangman Style, and you hit your hand on the ceiling and make me spit my water out everywhere. You always make me laugh; even when I am depressed and don’t want you to be funny, you still somehow make me laugh until my lungs hurt and I am out of breath.

9.                  You are crazy. You may be crazy, but whenever we are home and it is just us, you are the craziest, weirdest, funniest, loudest, freakiest person I know. You are so hilarious with how crazy you are that you make me crazy and weird and freaky. You make me crazier and crazier every day, and I love it.

10.               I love you, Lexi, and appreciate you and all you have done for me.

 

I want to share with you Jeremiah 17:7-8.  “Blessed are those who trust in the Lord
and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit.”
God blessed me when I became your mom, and I love you so much!
Matthew 5:3-12

³ “Blessed are the poor in spirit,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
⁴ Blessed are those who mourn,
    for they will be comforted.
⁵ Blessed are the meek,
    for they will inherit the earth.
⁶ Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
    for they will be filled.
⁷ Blessed are the merciful,
    for they will be shown mercy.
⁸ Blessed are the pure in heart,
    for they will see God.
⁹ Blessed are the peacemakers,
    for they will be called children of God.
¹⁰ Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

¹¹ “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. ¹² Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.”

Lexi, you are a blessed and beloved daughter of God. You are loved; you are wanted; you are safe; you are wise. Wherever you are, our hearts and love are with you. Wherever we are, your heart and love is with us. Our hearts and spirit are with you always.

Remember that you are doing a “great work” like Nehemiah and “cannot come down” from that great work. With who you are and the way you live your life and the way you love Jesus, you are such an inspiration to others. Stay true to who you are and continue attacking life with all of your heart and passion. Be courageous and fearless.

Lexi, you are an amazing, intelligent, talented, authentic young woman who is full of beauty, life, love, and fun. It has been our privilege to journey with you as you have grown from a baby to a young adult, and it has been my privilege and joy to be your mother along the way. We look forward to watching you grow on your new journey. Dance into your future with our blessing, our love, and our faith in you. Laugh, love, and live in your heart. Travel with God’s love, His presence, His Word, and His promises.

With all our love and prayers,

Your family