Faith Over Fear

When your mom has been healthy all her life and she starts feeling badly and you tell her to go to the doctor and she finally goes to the ER in a bigger city after months of local doctors not helping, you don't expect to hear words like “cancer” and “stage-four” and “incurable.” Especially when she's been seeing medical professionals locally for the past three months and has repeatedly been given prescriptions for antibiotics to treat simple infections. While the medicine hadn’t been working, you don’t expect to go from “simple infection” to “incurable cancer” in a matter of months.

However, that was the news we received this week, and we are still in shock and experiencing many emotions. My emotions are rolling around like a nightmarish rollercoaster where they are knocking into each other and tumbling over and over again and there's nowhere to go and there's no end in sight: disbelief, anger, sadness, a sense of unfairness, heartache, fear. So much fear.

Plus, I am the only one not in Missouri right now, and I feel so helpless and powerless and alone.

When we were waiting for test results last weekend, before we had heard the C-word, I was at a church retreat and heard a Bible verse that spoke to me. It felt as if God was saying to trust, that everything would work out, that my mom has a lot more living to do. Then, the worship team started singing, “Do it Again” by Elevation Worship, and I held onto these words from the song:

I've seen You move, You move the mountains

And I believe, I'll see You do it again

You made a way, where there was no way

And I believe, I'll see You do it again

Since then, we have received some of the results and Mom had an outpatient surgery that is helping her start to feel better. Now we're still waiting for more tests and more results. Waiting is so difficult, not knowing is so difficult, worrying and wondering is so difficult, and all of it can create fear.

We have already had so much loss in the past few years, and I don't see how… I don't accept another one. Sometimes it feels like anytime life is starting to feel free or good again something horrible happens in my personal life. That brings fear that things will never be okay.

Fear—it all comes back to this word, this feeling. Worry, stress, anxiety, fear. How much of my life have I given to this? How much will I continue to give?

More and more, I'm learning to lean into God and turn it all over to Him. To rest in His words and His promises and to be comforted by songs of His love and His healing and His amazing strength that we have if we just accept. In “RecklessLove,” Cory Asbury sings of how God loves us so much that He “leaves the ninety-nine” (John 3:16) to chase after us with His “overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love” and claims:

There’s no shadow You won’t light up

Mountain You won’t climb up

Coming after me

There’s no wall You won’t kick down

Lie You won’t tear down Coming after me

In “Our God,” Chris Tomlin sings that “Our God is Healer, awesome in power” (Exodus 15:26), and in “StrongEnough,” Matthew West sings about how we “can do all things through Christ who gives” us strength (Philippians 4:13).

This morning, I found a quote in my Facebook memories that affirms what I have been pondering this week: “Feed your faith and fear will starve to death.” ~Les Brown

Fear or faith. Do we choose fear or faith? The Bible says if we have the faith of a mustard seed we can move mountains (Matthew 17:20). I choose faith that God can do anything, that God can do the impossible, that God is the Healer. I choose faith. God told me that Joy comes in the morning and that prayers are answered (Psalm 30). I choose faith. Jesus said that if we ask, it will be given (Matthew 7:7). I ask that God heal my mom. I pray that God cures my mom.  I believe that God can heal my mom, that He can give her complete healing, that she is already healed. In Mark 5:34, “Jesus said to her, ‘Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering’.”

Also, I submit the situation to God. In Psalm 147: 3-5, it says, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name. Great is our Lord and mighty in power; his understanding has no limit.” I know that He heals and I know that His understanding is beyond me and I know that I trust him, that my faith will be rewarded. If it is God’s Will to heal her as I choose to focus on, I'm even more blessed. However, if what I believe and have faith in does not come to pass, if it is God’s Will to take her home sooner than I want, then I will have spent the remaining time with my mom in a positive frame of mind. A mind of faith, mind of belief, mind of hope, mind of peace. I choose living in faith, hope, peace, love.

I choose faith.

Every day, every morning, every moment, I have a choice. From now on, I choose faith.

Faith & Peace

I am confident in what I hope for and have assurance in what I do not see. Hebrews 11:1

So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ. Romans 10:17

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!” Matthew 7:7-11

Just as Jesus stood in the boat and spoke to the storm, I too can stand in the midst of the storms in my life and rebuke the winds and the waves to command calmness in my life. My faith overrides all my fears. Matthew 8:26

I activate my mustard seed of faith and say to this mountain of sickness and disease in my life, “Be removed and go to another place.” Nothing will be impossible to me. Matthew 17:20

Because You have anointed me, I have faith and do not doubt that I can speak to any illness, curse it at the root, and cause it to dry up and die, just as You did to the fig tree. I also know that if I tell to this mountain of sickness that is in my way to move and be cast into the sea, it shall be done. Matthew 21:21

That your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God. 1 Corinthians 2: 5

And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. 1 John 5:14

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7

So the Lord said, “If you have faith as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be pulled up by the roots and be planted in the sea,’ and it would obey you.” Luke 17:6

“Most assuredly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do he will do also; and greater works than these he will do, because I go to My Father. And whatever you ask in My name, that I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask anything in My name, I will do it.” John 14:12-14

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

The Lord is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me? Psalm 118:6

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Deuteronomy 31:8

Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

Though an army besieges me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident. Psalm 27:3

I sought the Lord, and he answered me; He delivered me from all my fears. Psalm 34:4

Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall. Psalm 55:22

For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.” Romans 8:15

God’s Love

How precious is your unfailing love, O God! Psalm 36:7

Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am faint; heal me, Lord, for my bones are in agony. Psalm 6:2

See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands. Isaiah 49:16

The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. Zephaniah 3:17

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. John 3:16

God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ— by grace you have been saved. Ephesians 2:4-5

See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him. 1 John 3:1

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1 John 4:7-8

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Healing & Safety

“I am the Lord, your healer.” Exodus 15:26

Lord my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me. Psalm 30:2

Hear, Lord, and be merciful to me; Lord, be my help. You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy. Psalm 30:10-11

The Lord protects and preserves them— they are counted among the blessed in the land - he does not give them over to the desire of their foes. The Lord sustains them on their sickbed and restores them from their bed of illness. Psalm 41:2-3

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26

Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits - who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion. Psalm 103:2-4

Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He sent out his word and healed them; he rescued them from the grave. Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for mankind. Psalm 107:19-21

I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of our Lord. Psalm 118:17

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name. Great is our Lord and mighty in power; his understanding has no limit. Psalm 147:3-5

But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed. Isaiah 53:5

‘I have seen what they do, but I will heal them anyway! I will lead them. I will comfort those who mourn, bringing words of praise to their lips. May they have abundant peace, both near and far,' says the Lord, who heals them. Isaiah 57:18-19

You will restore me to health and let me live. Isaiah 38:16

Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard. Isaiah 58:8

Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved, for you are my praise. Jeremiah 17:14

For I will restore health to you, and your wounds I will heal, declares the Lord.  Jeremiah 30:17

You have redeemed my life. Lamentations 3:58

Jesus said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.” Mark 5:34

And He laid His hands on her, and immediately she was made straight, and she glorified God. Luke 13:13

And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19

Come close to God, and God will come close to you. James 4:8

Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the sick, and the Lord will raise him up. James 5:14-15

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. James 5:16

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Isaiah 40:29

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30

Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you. Hebrews 13:5

Psalm30 The Blessedness of Answered Prayer

I will extol You, O Lord, for You have lifted me up,
And have not let my foes rejoice over me.
² O Lord my God, I cried out to You,
And You healed me.
³ O Lord, You brought my soul up from the grave;
You have kept me alive, that I should not go down to the pit.

⁴ Sing praise to the Lord, you saints of His,
And give thanks at the remembrance of His holy name.
⁵ For His anger is but for a moment,
His favor is for life;
Weeping may endure for a night,
But joy comes in the morning.

⁶ Now in my prosperity I said,
“I shall never be moved.”
⁷ Lord, by Your favor You have made my mountain stand strong;
You hid Your face, and I was troubled.

⁸ I cried out to You, O Lord;
And to the Lord I made supplication:
⁹ “What profit is there in my blood,
When I go down to the pit?
Will the dust praise You?
Will it declare Your truth?
¹⁰ Hear, O Lord, and have mercy on me;
Lord, be my helper!”

¹¹ You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness,
¹² To the end that my glory may sing praise to You and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever.

Psalm 23 The Lord the Shepherd of His People

The Lord is my shepherd;

I shall not want.

2 He makes me to lie down in green pastures;

He leads me beside the still waters.

3 He restores my soul;

He leads me in the paths of righteousness

For His name’s sake.

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil;

For You are with me;

Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;

You anoint my head with oil;

My cup runs over.

6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me

All the days of my life;

And I will dwell in the house of the Lord

Forever.

Psalm 91 Safety of Abiding in the Presence of God

91 He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High

Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress;

My God, in Him I will trust.”

3 Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler

And from the perilous pestilence.

4 He shall cover you with His feathers,

And under His wings you shall take refuge;

His truth shall be your shield and buckler.

5 You shall not be afraid of the terror by night,

Nor of the arrow that flies by day,

6 Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness,

Nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday.

7 A thousand may fall at your side,

And ten thousand at your right hand;

But it shall not come near you.

8 Only with your eyes shall you look,

And see the reward of the wicked.

9 Because you have made the Lord, who is my refuge,

Even the Most High, your dwelling place,

10 No evil shall befall you,

Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling;

11 For He shall give His angels charge over you,

To keep you in all your ways.

12 In their hands they shall bear you up,

Lest you dash your foot against a stone.

13 You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra,

The young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot.

14 “Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him;

I will set him on high, because he has known My name.

15 He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him;

I will be with him in trouble;

I will deliver him and honor him.

16 With long life I will satisfy him,

And show him My salvation.”

“A Single Step”

Photo taken around seven years ago after a month of all raw fruits & veggies.

          Ever since I had a health scare last summer, I have been mulling over the idea of taking one step at a time. My uncle, mom, friends, and doctors all cautioned me to add and/or subtract a single action to my life rather than going to the extremes that I have tried in the past.

For instance, I could stop drinking anything with calories (for me that would be almond milk in coffee, 100% fruit juice, and sweet tea). Or perhaps I could eat a large salad every day or walk 30 minutes four times a week. Or maybe I could start writing down everything that I put in my mouth. The point is to choose something small and begin. As Lao-tzu said, “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”

But where does the journey really begin?

Over ten years ago when my mom mentioned the Daniel Diet and the internet first became popular, I took a step towards a healthier lifestyle diet while gobbling down information.   

I’ve studied the raw food diet for years, read numerous books, blogs, and websites, starting with Shazzie, The Garden Diet Family, Frederic Patenaude, and From SAD to RAW, and brainstormed plans or challenges with friends. Before raw foods became all the rave, I completed a 15-day master lemonade cleanse, a 40-day juice cleanse and 30 days with only raw fruits and vegetables. I’ve even been quoted in a raw food book.

What keeps taking me away from an all-raw diet?  It’s extreme and so difficult to maintain.

What keeps bringing me back?  It’s healthy and brings so much energy, clarity, and health.

Going back and forth does not work, so what is the answer?  Balance, yet I believe balance is different for each individual.  I haven’t completely discovered balance in my diet yet, but I am closer than I was when I took that first step.  When I do discover balance, it will not be something to copy.  Read about…yes.  Study…yes.  Learn from…yes.  Copy…no. 

For me, it’s all about health, not dieting.  Choice, not willpower.  Abundance, not lack or deprivation.  Blessings, not curses. 

The truth is I know what it is to be healthy, and I’ve taught that to my daughters.  I know what is best for me to eat. I have a strong foundation, not only from everything I have researched in the past twelve years but also from my childhood. I grew up on a 300-acre beef farm in south-central Missouri where we ate fresh meat, eggs, and milk from the farm and vegetables and fruit from the garden.

I remember shelling peas, snapping green beans, washing beets, eating carrots straight from the dirt, shucking corn on the cob, picking apples and strawberries.  I remember carrying buckets overflowing with potatoes, tomatoes, and cucumbers. I remember canning pickles, okra, and salsa for colder months. 

We dined on farm-fresh scrambled eggs with our diced tomatoes, onions, and jalapenos, stir-fried chicken and fresh veggies, or spaghetti made with our canned tomatoes and fresh ground beef.  We rarely ate out, rarely drank soda, rarely consumed junk food, and usually had home-baked breads and desserts.  Our drinking water came from an underground well, and we were an active and hardworking family. 

I had a strong foundation for what it meant to be healthy physically, for what it meant to eat well. However, I did not have a strong foundation emotionally and became an emotional overeater and eventually a yo-yo dieter. How I hate the diet mentality, and how glad I am that I am moving away from it and towards balance and health.

No matter what, never allow yourself to get caught up with the diet mentality, which is mired in extremes and unhealthy measures.  Unfortunately, in today’s society, we are raised on it, suckled on new fads, fear-based advertising, and misinformation.  What that leads to is desperation, from which there can be no true transformation or complete health.  I know because I lived it.  About six years ago, I wrote this:

          My whole life, I have felt a desperate need for instant salvation, for cleansing:  immediate weight loss, beauty, healing or change. I’ve relied on juice cleanses and fasts to miraculously fix everything and hated myself for not sticking with extreme diets. I’ve thought that if I were clean and good, then I might be worthy. The loss has eaten at me; I’ve coped by filling it with so much food the face in the mirror, my body, became a stranger. Only recently did I discover that the fat cocooned a lost self. The authentic child floated, drowning in an ocean of masked fins, trapped in a world of phoniness, lies and power struggles. The forsaken child became the forsaken woman. Who I am frozen inside an ice sculpture fashioned by everyone else.

Since then, I have learned and grown so much. Finally, finally, I am starting to see my past and my present clearly. I am starting to live balance and health in all areas of my life. What does it mean for me in terms of my daily food intake?  It means that I eat around 75% fruits and vegetables for each meal and add daily green smoothies and salads (and the other things I eat are gluten-free, dairy-free, mostly chemical-free, whole foods, organic when possible). It means that I eat mostly home-cooked meals and choose healthier options when eating out. It means that I cut out all sugar except dark chocolate and honey.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”

And maybe there are multiple staircases. We can take a step up one and reach the top only to discover that we have another staircase to climb. The important thing is that we are taking action and climbing. 

Whatever the first step is for you…take it…begin today, right now.

A Heart That Blesses

There are a couple of things I’ve learned that have helped me through this health scare:  how we react is up to us, and perspective is everything.  So, I chose from the beginning to see the lab results as a sign from God.  The evening I got the results, I wrote:  He is showing me that it is time for real change and a lifestyle refurbishment.  I am okay.  Everything will be okay.  I trust God, myself, life, the world.  This will be a blessing.

I began the weekend with big lists and big plans for changes, things that I’ve been working towards for a while now.  Things like going to bed at a decent hour, getting back to exercising five times a week, and sticking with a strict but healthy nutrition plan.  The biggest change is to create more balance between our busyness and downtime.  Ultimately, I knew that I had to de-stress my life as well as learn to handle stress better.

Then, I talked to my uncle who cautioned me to start slow.  Yes, make real changes, he advised, but don’t try to do it all at once because that will create more stress as well as set you up for failure.  When I shared this with Lexi later, she said, “How’d he get so smart?!”  He’s absolutely correct.  One of my problems has been moving from extreme to extreme, and it’s time for balance.

During our phone conversation, my uncle mentioned something about how capable I am, and I began to cry because I finally figured out why I have felt so intensely stressed over the past several years.  Well, it’s partly because there have been so many “hits” to handle, and I feel overwhelmed.  Events and changes like the ones in my life are stressful.  Period.  Yet, it’s also because I feel so alone.  Now I know that I am capable and strong, that I can do whatever is needed, that I can make things work, create what I want.  A few years ago, I didn’t know this.  Now that I do, rather than taking comfort, I’ve felt stressed because it means more and more piled on top of me.  Just because I can handle a lot doesn’t mean I should.  Just because I am capable of doing it all alone doesn’t mean I should.  I have felt so alone for a long time, even during the latter part of my marriage, and that feeling had triggered a fight or flight response in my body that has been near the surface this whole time.  And, all last month with the added dog responsibility, the stress reflex went through the roof.  Wound way too tight, I was inhaling rescue remedy gummies like candy.  The conversation with my uncle and releasing tears helped me settle down.  Be more calm and at peace.  Since then, I have started incorporating small changes, little things at a time, things I know I can do on a consistent basis.

We were so glad to have a chance to go to church again on Sunday, and it was inspiring.  Everything was exactly what I needed to hear, as if God were talking directly to me.  This Sunday, the pastor started a new series called “Heart Strings,” and this week’s message was Psalm 139, about “The God who is always there” with his presence and love. I am keeping the notes along with the first 16 verses from the chapter next to my bed to read when needed.  If you are feeling alone or afraid, read that chapter! 

Near the end of the service, we sang some Kristian Stanfill lyrics: 

Trouble surrounds me, chaos abounding.

My soul will rest in you.

I will not fear the war, I will not fear the storm,

My help is on the way, my help is on the way.

Oh my God, He will not delay,

My refuge and strength, always.

I will not fear, His promise is true,

My God will come through always, always. 

I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord. 

My eyes watered, but I sang along, letting the words wash over me, healing and soothing.  I felt my body release and my muscles unwind.  It was as if I let go of the stress, the weight that I had been holding onto so tightly for so long.

As usual, on the way home and around the lunch table, we discussed what we took from the service.  I realized that part of my stress has come from believing lies such as I am alone and I have to do it all alone.  It’s time to embrace the truth that God is always with me and that I have many wonderful people around me.

The next morning I woke up relaxed yet intensely sore.  It hurt to move, and I don’t remember feeling this level of pain since I started going to the Fix on a regular basis.  I stretched, took some deep breaths, walked Thorin for 30 minutes, and later went to my Fix muscle massage therapy appointment.  While there, I proposed that perhaps my muscle enzymes were high because of stress and maybe I am this sore because I had been clenching my muscles and finally released them.

In the Nehemiah study, we recently discussed being willing to be, simply be and “show up,” where God wants you and moving “full circle.”  Kelly Minter writes, “God had brought Nehemiah full circle, beginning at one broken gate on the circumference all the way around to the very same gate, only on this day all had been made new…we have reason to hope He will work with the same restorative power in our lives…Where the place we stand remains the same but everything around us has changed, this is full circle.  This is a miracle.”

On Monday night, the doctor called me.  I’d dropped my results off at his office on Saturday, and an evening phone call terrified me.  Would he tell me to go to the ER right now?  Would he want to run expensive tests, prescribe medicine, or perform surgery?  Would he say my heart was broken and needed repair?  How would I afford anything that he wanted me to do?    

I answered the phone, unlocked the patio door, opened it, and walked outside for better reception. 

“Everything looks good,” he said.  “Just have blood work done in another three months to see where you are then.”

At first I argued with him.  Not that I wanted anything to be wrong, but that I wanted to know I was really okay.  He said he wasn’t concerned with the one high number but that he could order a specific heart test, if I wanted.  He asked about other symptoms to confirm that he doesn’t think there’s a problem at this time.  He said to contact him if new symptoms appear, but other than that, simply test everything again in a few months.  He agreed with my theory about the high stress levels impacting the results of the blood work and even agreed with my uncle about making changes in a slow but steady manner. 

A small smile lingered as I hung up, and I rushed in to give the girls the good news.  “But we have to take this as a warning sign,” I cautioned.  “It’s still important to de-stress our lives and move towards balance and health.” 

A good writing friend sent me an email today, worried about me and the title of my blog and encouraging me to focus on the positive and be aware of self-fulfilling prophecies.  She’s right.  “A Heart That Breaks” is the title of the Nehemiah book that I’ve been studying at church, and having a heart that breaks is meant in a positive way in the book:  a compassionate heart, a heart like God’s, a heart that hurts for others and helps others.  I agree with these things, and I choose to express a compassionate heart a bit differently.  My heart has been broken—for myself, for my daughters, for others.  Now, I have a heart that heals—for myself, for my daughters, for others.  I have a heart that blesses—myself, my daughters, others.  We each have a choice.  Which do you choose?