A LIFE WELL LIVED: David Lee Cunningham

I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you.
…So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you.
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart….
Because I knew you...
I have been changed for good.

(From “For Good” in Wicked)

          In 1954, Dwight D. Eisenhower was president. America was experiencing economic growth as well as unrest. The American public enjoyed the first color broadcast of the World Series and the first episode of NBC’s “The Tonight Show.” It was the year of Bill Haley’s “Rock Around the Clock,” Hitchcock’s Rear Window, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, White Christmas, Lord of the Rings, Lord of the Flies, Marilyn Monroe’s marriage to Joe DiMaggio, and Elvis Presley. That year also saw the first mass vaccination of children against polio as well as Brown v Board of Education, which made segregation in US public schools unconstitutional. Along with the boom came the scare of communism and the threat of nuclear war. In the midst of the chaos and prosperity, David Lee Cunningham was born on March 15 in El Dorado, Kansas, to Robert Bruce Cunningham and Bonnie Jean Volesky. David grew up on the family farm with two siblings, Barbara Ann who was the oldest and Robert the II aka Bob, but David was the baby of the family. 

His mother was part Bohemian and part German. Her ancestors migrated to Kansas in the latter part of the seventeenth-century for land and opportunities unavailable in the Old Country. First and second generation homesteaders, they bought land cheaply when America expanded in the “go West” mentality. His father’s clan originated from Scotland and fought in the American Revolution, starting a longstanding family trend of military service. Grandma Bonnie often joked that the difference between her family, the Volesky’s, and her husband’s, the Cunninghams, was that if it looked like rain, the Cunninghams would pull the farm equipment into the barn to oil the gears and sharpen the blades, while the Voleskys would jump into the wagon and hurry to town for the Friday night dance before the roads muddied. But in truth, both families had a devotion to hard work, learning, farming, and the importance of serving one's family, community, church, country, and they passed all of these down to David and his siblings.

The family later moved to Missouri, and David graduated from Clinton High School as valedictorian of his class. He went on to study theater at UMKC and received reviews via letters from his mother who referenced herself by signing Bea A. Critic. When he returned home to the Midwest to visit and stage manage at a local dinner theater, she wrote reviews that the Kansas City Star published. After graduation, David decided to follow his dreams of being on Broadway and gravitated to New York City where he found acceptance and community. His stage name was David Cane, and he acted in plays like Samuel Beckett’s Endgame.

Eventually, David became a stage manager on Broadway and worked at Palace Theater on Crimes of the Heart as well as with Linda Haverman on La Cage Aux Folles Musical. Furthermore, he often worked behind the scenes, helping actors and actresses as well as his own nieces and nephews interpret and understand scripts and songs or helping them search for and find the perfect audition piece. For instance, he coached Bradley Whitford who later starred in the TV hit series West Wing.

David went on to earn a Masters of Clinical Psychology at Columbia College in New York City, and he even completed the required courses for his doctorate degree in clinical psychology at Syracuse University. For a short time, he was a counselor, but he decided to move in another direction. He was vice president of Pearson Communications in New York City as well as Communications Director of Information Systems Technology.

During that time, he rented an apartment on 85^th street in West Manhattan near Central Park where he walked his big, loveable dogs every day.

After living away from the family for twenty-five years, David retired from his job and moved back to Missouri. With him, he brought his German Shepherd-Chow Lola and some pressed autumn leaves from Central Park. His varied professions, adventures, and education served him well for the last phase of his life, the time where he was available for everyone in the family. He bought a house on a plot of land fertile with tall cedars and scenic meadows and on Highway 13, almost halfway between Bob’s family farm in Higginsville and the city of Warrensburg, rescued some mix breed dogs, and began hosting family events. He could have won the best host of the year award, and everyone took advantage of his pampering to eat the delicious ham, tomato, and green pepper omelets that he made to order for breakfast and to enjoy pasta parties or grilled dinners. Often, the celebrations lasted all

weekend with plenty of time for playing bridge tournaments, Scrabble, or various games such as the Broadway board and Dragon Joust card games he created. Through it all, laughter and squeals echoed throughout the walls of his home. His place was where we congregated after the fun and work of Apple Butter Day, for birthday parties, and just because.

In the introduction to my thesis for my MFA program, I wrote, “Special thanks to my Uncle David for inviting me to his home, sacrificing his time and reading through the manuscript with me on numerous occasions. Those hours spent at his country house amidst the backdrop of the tall, old cedar grove away from my daily life and duties allowed me to focus on this thesis. From our conversations, my exhaustive notes, and the valuable input and guidance of my writing instructors, I added and cut scenes, reworked passages, revised exposition and organized the essays. The entire process gave me further insight into my own life; it was like collecting quilt squares of differing textures, colors, and sizes and weaving them into a beautiful tapestry. Thank you, Uncle David.” I am positive that each individual in our enormous family has a similar story of appreciation and love for this special person.

In March, he once again hosted his 61^st birthday party, and we stayed up late on the 14^th, playing bridge and laughing until after midnight to bring in his new year. Although his year was tragically cut short, I’m grateful for that memory together and for all the others like it.

A tall man with an infectious, hearty chuckle, David was not only educated, intelligent, insightful, artistic, and talented, but he was also tremendously creative, highly knowledgeable, and extremely generous. Over the years, he drew plans for houses, bookshelves, and jungle gyms that he also often helped build. Several years ago, my daughter was a budding gymnast, so he constructed and helped build uneven bars in our backyard for her tenth birthday. Every December, he put together a family calendar for the Crawfords and Cunninghams and later also for the Johnson, Gaines, and Adams families. He collected, typed, and printed recipes so we could each have a family cookbook. He played online video games with his nephews. He wrote plays and critiqued our writing.

He created the flower arrangements for all of our weddings. Daily, he fed the birds and hummingbirds on his land. He was even active in the Johnson County Adult Literacy Program. So many things, so many times, he helped his 17 nieces and nephews, 30 great-nieces and nephews, his community, and even many animals. 

And he was there, every day, every time, when we needed someone to talk to on the phone. He was loving and good at listening, and he facilitated us with processing all the trials and mysteries that life threw at us. Now, I don’t know how we are going to process a world without him in it.

Thich Nhat Than said, “If you look deeply into the palm of your hand, you will see your parents and all generations of your ancestors. All of them are alive in this moment. Each is present in your body. You are the continuation of each of these people.” So I will look to see Uncle David in the wit of one relative and the heart of another. 

UD, you are literally one of the best people I have ever known. We love you. We cherish you. We will miss you. You will be in our hearts and memories forever.

David Lee Cunningham has left the world a better place because he was here, because he shared so much with so many, and because he knew how to live and love. In the words of one of his favorite Broadway musicals, La Cage Aux Folles:

Because the best of times is now,
Is now, is now.
Now, not some forgotten yesterday.
Now, tomorrow is too far away.
So hold this moment fast,
And live and love
As hard as you know how.
And make this moment last,
Because the best of times is now,
Is now, is now. 

David is a beloved brother, a treasured uncle, and a unique and gifted man. We are so blessed to have known him.

Steve Maraboli said, “I am always saddened by the death of a good person. It is from this sadness that a feeling of gratitude emerges. I feel honored to have known them and blessed that their passing serves as a reminder to me that my time on this beautiful earth is limited and that I should seize the opportunity I have to forgive, share, explore, and love. I can think of no greater way to honor the deceased than to live this way.” 

I encourage each person who hears or reads this to be kind, to use your gifts, and “live and love as hard as you know how and make this moment last.” We honor David and all that he did and all that he taught us by passing it along. Goodbye, our much-loved Uncle David. 

*********************************

We want to celebrate David, his life, and the ways that he moved us, so if friends or family have a memory and/or photo that you want to share, feel free to email it to me to add to this blog or any of you can add your memory in the comments below. 

Remembering UD

Amanda: I am so glad that we were able to visit UD last weekend. When he found out we were coming, he emailed me ahead of time and asked what snacks, drinks, and food we would like to eat while at his house. When we arrived he showed us the new game he created: Dragon Quest. Both Brett and Cale loved it, but particularly Cale who declared it his new favorite game and played the entire time we were there. I know the boys will always remember this last weekend with UD. As we were leaving, he said he was so glad we were able to come and wished we could stay longer. As we walked out the door, we all said "I love you" and hugged him. I am so thankful that we had this last visit, and I will not forget it or the many others that we shared. I will never play Scrabble, eat an omelet, or look at a family calendar without thinking of UD. We all loved him very much and will miss him always.

Jill: So many memories of such an amazing man. After his knee surgery, I stayed with him for a few days to help out. He sent me on a grocery trip with a list of what he needed, and when I arrived at the store, I realized that the list was in perfect order of where the items were located. He even had notes that told me to turn down this aisle or that to find what I needed. His memory astounded me. I helped him with the calendar every single year as well as spent hours editing the cookbook. We always had great laughs in our delirious state of tiredness in the wee hours of the night. At the end of our projects, we always had to bind them with a spiral plastic that you twist through the holes in the paper. We “never raced,” but he always ended up furiously twisting, finishing first, and then stating, "It wasn't a race!" with a little bit of gloat in his smile. I remember spending hours on the phone discussing the wonderful world of Harry Potter, planning my wedding, or just getting advice for this or that. His omelettes were the best, his hospitality was incomparable, and his counsel was irreplaceable. I have learned so much from this amazing man who always seemed to have expertise in every area. His wisdom, wit, and servant's heart are things that I will treasure in my memory forever.

Rachel: At Crawford Camp one hot summer day, we were all preparing lunch, but we couldn’t open the huge jar of artichokes. We had already opened the jar of dill pickles (in our family, you’ve got to have pickles) and everyone had tried to open the stubborn jar of artichokes. I tried. Sarah tried. Jill tried. Sarah and Jill tried together. Adam tried. Jill and Adam tried together. Uncle Bob tried. Sarah, Jill, Adam, and Uncle Bob all tried at the same time, but nothing worked! It wouldn’t open! Frustrated, we all walked away. A few moments later, UD walked up and popped open the lid on his first try! Uncle Bob said that we’d loosened it up for him, and we all laughed for days. 

Feel the Money, Part Three: Pay it Forward

          For some reason, this is the most difficult blog entry of this series to write. Partly because I have been in a funk (a creative word for being depressed), which means that I don’t want to write and I don’t want to expend any extra energy, and partly because I have been so busy. But mostly because everything that happened, everything that I want to express, is still swirling in my mind like an untamed wind.

For the past month, I have watched and waited for the moment when I felt led to give the cash provided by the church, praying for the right person at the right time in the right place. On the one hand, I know that it could have been anyone one at any time in any place; however, I wanted the giving to matter.

          In the meantime, a lot has happened.

To begin with, someone from our church helped us. One Sunday night after we had arrived home from Momentum, extra cash magically appeared in our workbook. I was surprised yet grateful. Because I wanted my giving to matter, I decided that this giving had to matter as well; therefore, I put half of it towards the $1000 emergency fund that Dave Ramsey says is the first step. It felt good to have a little bit of a buffer—safer and more secure having even a small amount of savings. We used the other half for groceries.

At the same time, I wanted to honor the gift that person had chosen to offer us: the gift of consideration and kindness and the spirit of paying it forward. I was inspired; thus, I decided to use some of my next paycheck to help someone else. During this whole process, I’ve asked my daughters for ideas of who and when and where to help, and Laina asked over and over again for us to help a friend of hers go to the homecoming dance at high school. We had a conversation about how the dance was a want, not a need and how I felt led to use the church’s money for needs, not wants. Still, I could tell that it was important for Laina to help her friend, and we also discussed the importance of finding balance between our needs and wants. In other words, sometimes prioritizing fun. So, we all worked together. Lexi found an old (but beautiful and very nice) Dillard’s dress in her closet that she offered to give away, so we invited the friend over to try it on. The dress fit perfectly, and she looked radiant and so excited to have a lovely dress. Then, I provided the money from my own income for Laina to purchase her and her friend tickets to the dance. They were so happy for the opportunity and had a wonderful evening.

And then, Lexi went away to college in NYC, which is awesome and amazing, I know. I am very happy for Lexi and love that she is living her dream. And yet. Yet. Yet. I’m not ready to write about it, but this is the cause of the current funk and is so difficult.

On a positive note, Lexi has a “host” family in NYC who has been so kind, welcoming, and giving to her. Also, many family and friends have sent Lexi cards and notes and even gift cards and goodies since she has arrived at college, and she says that the other students remark on how often she gets packages. We are so thankful for all of you and feel so blessed!

Lexi flew to NY on a Monday, and that same week I prepared a presentation for an out of town conference for work. During those preparations, I was offered an extra, last-minute eight-week class. I am beyond grateful for the opportunity, which is definitely an answer to my prayers. Now I not only have enough to make ends meet but also have extra, and I am thankful. Still, I had to quickly prepare a new class during the same week as the conference, which was stressful to say the least.

I wonder how much connection there is between my giving to Laina’s friend and then receiving to help my girls?!

Weekend before last, I finally saw what I had been waiting for—a sign. I had just ordered a meal for myself, and behind me, I saw a woman counting out one dollar bills. It appeared as though she was worried she might not have enough, so when she ordered, I said that I wanted to pay for her meal. At first, she viewed me with disbelief, but I repeated it.

“I shouldn’t let you do that,” she said.

With her words, it struck me: receiving is hard. Often times we like the power and control of being the one to give. Just recently, a family friend said to me, “Be a good receiver, Rachel. That’s also a Christian virtue.” At the time, I brushed it aside, but now I thought, maybe he was right.

I convinced the woman that I really wanted to pay for her meal, that all I asked was for her to ‘pay it forward’ someday, and told her to order whatever she wanted. She said that what she’d already ordered was fine, but as I paid, she thanked me profusely, saying, “You’ve just made my day.” She turned to the cashier and nearly shouted, “She’s paying for my meal. Can you believe it?!” This woman was extremely grateful and that felt fantastic. As we got our meal and went our separate ways, I discovered that I was beaming. I also left a $20 tip for the waitress.

The most amazing thing was how paying it forward made me feel, and I finally got it. One woman left with a free meal while the other left with $20 cash, but I was the real winner that day because I left feeling full. In that moment and for the rest of that day, my heart felt full, my life felt full, and I felt full.

Paying it forward will be a vital part of our lives in this household: both as givers and receivers. When we receive, we not only get the help/kindness/money/stuff, but we also allow other people’s hearts and lives to become fuller. When we give, we not only have fuller hearts and lives, but we also allow others the chance for, perhaps, much needed kindness/help/money/stuff.

Paying it forward is a win-win.

Side note: The rest of the church’s cash stayed with me for another week, and last weekend, I used it to provide groceries for a single mom and her family. Without that money, they would not have had groceries for lunches this week. Again, giving not only literally helped that family, but it also filled up our hearts and lives for another week.

The FinancialPeace University class is now over. While I was too overwhelmed/down to attend the last few classes, I learned so much from the first half that I want to take the entire class again this spring and continue learning and applying this information. I am continuing to save towards a $1000 emergency fund and am still using cash to pay for gas and groceries every week rather than swiping the debit card with no thought. I practice feeling the money and am much more conscious of what I am spending and what my priorities and motivations are. Ultimately, I am beginning to change to more positive spending, saving, giving habits, and I am enjoying the process. While I am definitely not yet debt free, I have more of a sense of hope and peace regarding current money habits and future financial freedom.

Feel the Money, Part One: Temptation

I signed up for Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University program with my small group; our church calls it Momentum, and Lexi and I meet with our small group on Sunday afternoons.

On our third week, we are handed a ticket as we arrive. Today the video will encourage us to “feel the money,” so after the announcements, the leaders are ready for the drawing. Out of 100 people in the room, they are handing out six envelopes filled with hard cold cash.

I had arrived feeling dejected, overstressed, anxious, and raw, but hearing about the money perked me up a bit. Maybe I will win, I think. Maybe this is God’s way of answering my prayers.

There are two purposes, we are told, for those envelopes. First of all, those lucky winners will get to experience what it is like to “feel” the money. I am so on board with that. I can feel the cash already—it’s flowing from my fingers and out to pay for gas and groceries. Then, we are told the other purpose of the money—to pay it forward and bless others. Usually I am all about that. I love helping others and seeing how what I do or give blesses them. But now, right in this moment, I am a nerve of needs, everything pressing down on me. So that’s it, I think. God’s going to give an envelope to someone in my small group and maybe, just maybe, they will choose to bless me with it.

After all, I am the only one in our group who is a single parent, and I have all of the money woes Dave Ramsey discusses in the book. For years, I have been living in crisis mode, scraping by one pay check after another, only to play catch up with any surplus semesters. I often barely make ends meet with three part-time teaching/tutoring jobs and with help from family, and the nature of adjunct work means that my income changes every few months. I often don’t know how many classes I will have or how much I will earn until after the first week or so of each semester. When I can, I snag an extra class, an overload, which is what I need to survive. For over a year, I was able to work an overload, and when I have an overload, I am teaching the same amount as a full-time instructor for half the pay and no benefits. But I love my job and have been able to make it work for four years. However, colleges are not allowing overloads for adjuncts anymore unless absolutely necessary because of the new health care guidelines, which puts me in a deficit.

Days before this Momentum meeting, I discovered that I am not getting the extra class that I thought I was getting, which really adds stress to my life. I’d thought God had provided that extra class to help me make it this semester and through the winter break when I don’t have an income for over a month, but I am back to praying, trusting Him, and not knowing how I will manage.

So this could be how God is answering my immediate prayers. I hold my breath as the first five numbers are called. Please give it to someone in my group who might help me. The last number is called, and I can’t believe it. At first, I sit there, not moving, reading and re-reading my ticket. Yep, still mine. So I stand up and accept the envelope. I feel like I’ve won the lottery in Shirley Jackson’s story where the winner is the one sacrificed. Okay, maybe it’s not that horrific, but I have a hand full of cash and a body full of stress and no way of knowing how I will make it.

As you can imagine, I’ve had a million thoughts coursing through my mind since that moment. God must have a big sense of humor because this is downright ironic.

Here I sit, the single parent of our group, with an empty gas tank and a sparsely filled fridge (not to mention that we are down to our last roll of toilet paper). For over a week, I have been sending the girls over to Publix with $3 or $5 or $10, whatever I could find, to get milk or bread or bananas, something to eat. I have been pulling together $10 or $20 per day to put gas in my old mini-van, and I only have enough left to drive to work the next day (but not enough to return home or drive the girls to their activities). The bank account is down to $7, and there’s no savings. Surely, surely God didn’t mean to give me money to give to someone else?! It’s got to be a mix up or maybe I have entered an alternate universe where everything is upside down.

After the meeting when I settle into my car, I open the envelope and see a $50 bill—perfect for my immediate gas, food, and toilet paper angst. I can sure “feel” this money burning a hole in my hand, but I don’t think that’s what Dave Ramsey meant by “feel the money”!

Behind the cash is a piece of paper that reads:

2 Corinthians 9:7 (NIV)

Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.

          I laughed, bitter and humorless—seriously, God. You not only want me to give this to someone else, but you want me to do it with a cheerful heart?!  I could definitely see the irony, but I couldn’t dredge up the appropriate cheerfulness.

          As an aside: God has richly blessed me in many ways, even in the recent past, including through generous and giving people who have helped us, and I am not discounting those miracles or gifts at all. I am simply sharing all of the human emotions that accompany this adventure and sharing that I am in a dark and difficult place right now because I don’t see a way out of this pit of debt and difficulty.

          My mind swirls as idea after idea comes to me. I could use this money tonight, for example, to get some gas and food and then replace the $50 bill on Tuesday when I receive my deposit for a few hours of online tutoring. That doesn’t feel right, however, since one of the main things we are learning is to not borrow money. Plus, it just feels wrong, like I would be betraying someone—God, my church, myself—if I do it this way.

          While I start driving home, I rationalize and justify that I could definitely use the money to bless my girls. I could pay it forward to Lexi and Laina. After all, most of my income goes into providing for them, and I need gas and groceries to take care of them. Again, it doesn’t feel right. Not that it would be betraying anyone but that it wouldn’t be as big and as important as it could be. No, I don’t want to do it this way either.

          During all of this deliberation, a tiny seed sprouts and blooms in my mind, heart, and soul—God trusts me with this money. God trust me; my church trusts me, and my small group trusts me with money. I can trust myself with money.

          When I arrive home, I lock the envelope in my glove compartment and start praying, albeit a bit grudgingly, that God will show me who I should give it to. I also pray for immediate help with my troubles.

          Not long after I return home, our neighbor knocks on the door. He has just returned from a two-week vacation and hands me three Philly hoagies and a large sweet bun that he has brought for us. That takes care of breakfast and lunch the next day, which is a huge blessing.

          As I continue to reflect on this adventure, my heart lightens and my prayers change. I ask God to show me the way—a way to take care of what I need and a new way of approaching and handling money. I decide that God plans to do something big with this money. Since then, my constant prayer has been for Him to use me in big ways through this and to bring along someone who needs this more than I do (whether it’s the money they need or the kindness because people have shown me much kindness during these past few years, and some days, that makes all the difference in the world).

          On Monday, I receive $20 from a friend who owed me for pet-sitting, which allows me to fill my gas tank and return home from work. We use the last few dollars in the bank to buy toilet paper and a few ingredients to complete a delicious dinner. As we dine on chicken curry, it occurs to me how truly blessed we are. I recently read that if you make $30,000 per year, then you are among the top five percent of wage earners in the world. That is mindboggling. How can we have so much more than the rest of the world yet be so stressed, anxious, and ungrateful?

          I learned from my parents to live paycheck to paycheck, to barely make ends meet, to borrow from family, to always need help. Ever since I started this blog, I have been praying to become someone who blesses others rather than someone who needs blessings. Not that we all can’t use blessings at some points in our lives, but that I wish to feel secure and safe enough, that I long to have enough resources (both money and time) to help others more often. I guess God does answers prayers, so we better watch out for times when our prayers might clash.

          Ultimately, my prayer is for God to use me. As Ghandi said, I want to “be the change I want to see in this world.”

The Heart that Grew

The Grinch and Scrooge teach us that giving, or blessing others, is what this season is about, is what this world is about, and that in giving to others, we give to ourselves…in blessing others, we bless ourselves.

As a parent, I have wanted to give my girls all the things and opportunities that I felt I didn’t get. I didn’t want them to have to struggle, and I didn’t want them to learn a life of feeling deprived. I’m not talking about a life of deprivation where one chooses to have less and live simpler; I’m talking about being surrounded by this “cruel, crazy, beautiful world” and seeing only lack.

I wanted to swallow the world and lay it at their feet.

And so I’ve struggled and fought to surround them with beauty and love and abundance. In doing so, I have been richly blessed.

In doing so, I have made some poor financial choices that I am still living with and have set a high expectation for Christmas presents that I may not be able to meet this year.

When I picked the girls up from youth group on Sunday night, they told me about a video they’d watched. Some parents were asked to give poor presents to their children and record what happened after the presents were opened. One child got a potato, another a jar of pickles. My girls scoffed at the temper tantrums those kids threw, at how “spoiled” the kids acted. I asked which of those gifts my girls wanted for Christmas. Laina wanted the potato, and Lexi wouldn’t choose so she gets an orange (her grandparents always put one in the stockings).

We joke about it, but in reality it’s not funny when I don’t have money to fix the oil leaks in my car, let alone buy presents for my daughters. This semester has been tough because I have less classes, and we’ve gone without a lot. We’ve also kept busy with work and school, so we’re making it work.

Still, it’s Christmas, the time of year when people believe in peace and hope. In magic. It’s also the time of year when many people are stressed (too much to do, too much to buy, too little time, too little money), and this year, 2012, has the added tension of the end of the year predictions.

I have heard of friends saying that they are re-gifting this year or that they are only buying local or only making gifts. I believe in all of those great ideas.

Yet Lexi wants the new Taylor Swift Wonderstruck Enchanted perfume, and Laina wants an Ipod (or Ipad, she’s fine with either) while I want $5000 to pay things off, fix my car, and catch up. And, we all need new phones as ours are barely working), haircuts, Mary Kay skin care, and the list goes on.

(Side note:  When I read this entry to Lexi and Laina, they thought I was being unfair to only list the highest priced items on their Christmas list, making them look like spoiled brats, when they are also asking for less expensive items such as the new Veronica Roth book, Free Four, for Laina and the Spring Awakening Broadway soundtrack for Lexi; therein lies my problem as I want to get them most of their wishes, not merely one or two.  And, I want to surprise them with something they will love but haven’t thought of yet.  Like the genie in the lamp, I want to grant their wishes and help make their dreams come true; however, the genie isn’t free, so instead, I will be like the ghosts of Christmas:  while doing what I can, I will teach them to create their own dreams by believing in themselves, taking action, and giving to others.)

But if the world is really going to end in less than two weeks (and I don’t believe it is), then none of those things matter. It’s okay that my car has a burning oil smell when I drive it, that we are using broken phones, that we have split ends, that we are out of good skin care products, that we don’t have the newest technology, etc.

Those are all okay because we are okay. We are alive and safe and loved, wanted. We have music and friends and sunshine. We have food, a vehicle that runs, a room of our own, and a place to call home. We can go to the beach and watch as the waves crash against the shore, as they always have. Or, we can watch a movie. We will be together.

But what about that moment?! The moment that is part of what makes Christmas magical…the moment when you are about to open a present and you don’t know what’s inside but it could be your heart’s desire. It could be everything you’ve always wanted, or everything you’ve always needed but didn’t know you were missing. That moment that takes your heart, broken and splintered and bruised that it is, and fills it with light and love and warmth so that it grows bigger and brighter, so that it glows with healing. That moment is precious to the one who receives and the one who gives, and I want to be part of that with my girls.

I don’t know yet what I am going to do about presents this year, but I do know that our holiday break will be filled with love and laughter and giving.